Monday , May 23 2022

Vegetarians, Look Away

This guy has his 2-year-old waving the scepter of life and death over turkeys:

    ‘I want to eat that one, Daddy!” These may not be the words every father dreams of hearing from his 2-year-old daughter as she points to a live animal – but on the eve of Thanksgiving, they were definitely a step in the right direction.

    ….I didn’t know what to expect when I brought her to Hemlock Hill Farm in upstate Cortlandt Manor to pick out a live turkey for our holiday meal.

    “Remember, sweetie,” I told her, “we’re going to make friends with a turkey and then we’re going to eat it.”

    ….Teaching her that we eat turkeys didn’t turn out to be that difficult. Not to sound specie-ist, but turkeys are ugly, with their pale pink necks, horn-like knobs between their eyes, ostrich-like heads and pre-historic gait.

    And they all look alike, so it’s difficult, even for a 2-year-old, to get attached to any one bird.

    “So, sweetheart, which one should we eat?” I asked her. She looked over the flock before pointing to a particularly aggressive bird that stared her down meanly: “I want to eat that one!”

    For the record, I didn’t bring my daughter into the slaughterhouse, where our bird was electrocuted, killed, relieved of its blood, tossed into scalding hot water, spun in a de-feathering machine, gutted and cleaned.

    But I did let her help carry the dead bird out to the car and assist me when I cooked it later.

    And she didn’t need any prompting after she finished her plate: “I want more turkey!” [NY Post]

That’ll teach that damn bird to give kids the evil eye.

I have nothing against turkeys, but I wish we still ate goose for holiday meals. I hate geese: they are mean, agressive, they crap all over our park. Back in California 15 years ago, a huge goose at the park we went to out there literally attacked my then 4-year-old daughter, scared the hell out of her, knocked her down, and I took great pleasure in kicking that fat, vile sack of venom for a field goal. Some animals are just begging to be eaten: it’s not all pupppies and bunnies out there.

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About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: [email protected],, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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