American Idol Final Five -Scotty “The Body” Savol – A Statistic

After last week’s American Idol upset debacle, leaving the nation without the sexy, smarmy charms of Constantine Maroulis, tonight’s results show was a step closer to reality as we should know it: Scott “The Body” Savol and Anthony “Tutti-Fruitti” Fedorov as the bottom two.

Finally, Scott Savol packed his big, sullen ass up and is heading back to the land of burning rivers.

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. We breathe a sigh of relief as the space on the American Idol stage increases vastly in Scott’s absence.

What we saw:

Performing Simon and Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Trouble Water,” the final five revisited a song that has had a fair amount of popularity on the show, AI Season 2 runner up Clay Aiken having recorded a successful version of the song.

Also noteworthy was the weekly Ford commercial featuring a playful version of The Specials’ classic second-wave ska tune “A Message to Rudy” (from their first album), with the contestants counseling “Rudy,” the dog who holds the key to their ride!

Ryan was dressed ambiguously in a shiny yellow suit. I am unsure about this choice in attire. What message is Ryan trying to send?

Speaking of messages, Paula was bestowed with rose bouquets from the contestants in what must be a show of solidarity against tonight’s expose featuring the besieged judge.

Let’s hope the ride from here on ends with Bo on top, flanked by the two hotties Vonzell and Carrie.

Thank you America, you finally got it right.