Friday , May 17 2024
Satire White House News Conference

White House Requests Time Out

White House spokesman Scott McClellan asked the press corps yesterday for a “time out” on any questions involving Hurricane Katrina, abuse of prisoners or any lingering questions about Karl Rove.

Fox News reporters agreed to the condition, saying it would give them more time to focus on smearing the character of Democrats.

Some reporters tough on Bush, including Helen Thomas, cackled in response to McClellan’s question, made amid whimpers.

The words “We smell blood,” were heard mumbled by members of the press corps.

Insiders, close to outsiders connected to the White House Press Association, said they agreed to consider the request.

The same august body had rejected a prior request by McClellan: Allowing only reporters from Fox News to ask questions at this and future news

“This way it will be less confrontational,” said McClellan.

When the Fox-only proposal was floated, reporters said the idea sounded unconstitutional and possibly illegal.

McClellan laughed maniacally and said, “As if we care about such things. We’ll just add a provision to the Homeland Security Act and everything will
be just fine. Remember, if you oppose this you are letting the terrorists win.”

Instead of talking about Karl Rove, Katrina, or prisoner abuse McClellan suggested the reporters ask him whether Bush loves America (he does, McC. said), if he opposes flag burning (he does) and if thinks this nation would be easier to run if the county became a fascist state (he does).

At that point McClellan wiped away tears and said, “It’s been a hard week and I’m going to stop now.”

“I need to go ask Karl Rove what information I am supposed to leak to the media this week,” McClellan said.

He cleared his throat.

“Er, Let me rephrase that. Bush can’t be blamed for things he didn’t know,” he said.

“See prior Supreme Court precedent Ignorance vs Bliss, 2004,” McClellan said. He was going to put a link to it on his new blog, he said.

Told that no such case existed McClellan began walking off stage and said, “Next you’re going to tell me that Bush isn’t really the elected
president either.”

Edited: GS

An earlier version of this post originally appeared at my blog.

About Scott Butki

Scott Butki was a newspaper reporter for more than 10 years before making a career change into education... then into special education. He has been working in mental health for the last ten years. He lives in Austin. He reads at least 50 books a year and has about 15 author interviews each year and, yes, unlike tv hosts he actually reads each one. He is an in-house media critic, a recovering Tetris addict and a proud uncle. He has written articles on practically all topics from zoos to apples and almost everything in between.

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