Friday , February 23 2018
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Pipes

You know, I’m all for recycling and “sustainable” living measures, and reduced resources depletion devices like efficient toilets and whatnot, WITHIN REASON. Among the many reasons why we hate our builder:

    During the walk through, he mentioned very quietly to me (everyone else was marveling that house had walls and floors and stuff) that the toilets were “uniquely designed to reduce excessive water usage” as he grinned rather remorselessly. What that asshole really meant is, “Don’t actually use these for bodily functions or else. And don’t use anything but a square at a time or else. AND GOD-FORBID – don’t take a crap bigger than two inches in length or circumference or ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE.”

    Clearly I am going to have to invest in two more plungers, since GOD FORBID, we do actually use our toilets for number 2, since it’s FUCKING SNOWING OUTSIDE and the neighbors might not appreciate us squatting in the yard and attracting unwanted animals and attention.

    At this point, I would like to take our builder, we will call him DAN, since that’s his name, and use his scruffy little head for a plunger.

    Don’t worry, everytime we drop a load, we put a little note inside kind of like a fortune cookie, with his name on. I bet the people at the sewage plant are really scratching their heads about that one.

That Dawn has a way with words and images. The pipes have to be big enough, and the water has to be plentiful enough to do what it has to do. When is the environment going to look out for me?

About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: Twitter@amhaunted, Facebook.com/amhaunted, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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