No Exposed Breasts At This Year’s Super Bowl

Apparently operating under the assumption that he won’t whip out anything untoward, the NFL has signed Paul McCartney to play the halftime show at the Super Bowl in Jacksonvile on February 6.

In case you have been spelunking or time-traveling for the last year, Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson had an inexplicably massive dual brain fart at last February’s edition, resulting in an exposed hooter flapping in the breeze in front of 90 million TV viewers. CBS has appealed an FCC fine of $550,000 for the indiscretion.

So now the NFL has taken control back of the halftime show from unreliable showbiz types and has brought Sir Paul in to “rock the millions,” it announced today:

“We are extremely pleased to work again with Paul McCartney, one of the greatest musicians of our time, to create a memorable show,” said Steve Bornstein, the NFL’s executive vice president of media.

..”As one of the world’s most beloved artists and incomparable live entertainers, Paul McCartney will deliver an inspirational performance.”

“There’s nothing bigger then being asked to perform at the Super Bowl,” said McCartney. “We’re looking forward to rocking the millions at home and in the stadium.”

“We’re thrilled Sir Paul McCartney has agreed to perform at halftime of Super Bowl XXXIX,” said FOX Sports Chairman David Hill. “He is the world’s most influential rock artist, and his music will forever be a part of our culture. He, more than any other musician, lives up to this year’s Super Bowl theme of ‘Building Bridges’. His music bridges generations, countries, cultures and musical genres.”

McCartney played bass on the just rerecorded “Do They Know It’s Christmas” by Band Aid 20.

Nipple ripples continue to spread throughout the broadcasting media, sending Howard Stern and other shock jocks off of the FCC-regulated airwaves and onto satellite radio, ABC being hypersensitive about a a filmed bit on Monday Night Football involving a Desperate Housewives character and Philadelphia Eagles star Terrell Owens in the locker room, and the refusal of 66 ABC affiliates to air Saving Private Ryan on Veteran’s Day.