Sunday , October 17 2021

In Praise of the Modern World

Sometimes I love the modern world – you know, the reassuring part. We just got back from the doctor and all is well thanks to the reassurances of ultrasound, monitoring devices, projected growth rates, and all that good stuff.

Dawn and the little dude are at the 36-week mark, rounding third and heading for home – a brown-or-blue-eyed handsome little man. Our 4-year-old got the viking treatment with the blue eyes and light blonde hair, so my guess is this guy will take more after mom. The opposite gender rule has held so far in my family: my two daughters look a lot like me (except for the being girls part) and my son looks very much like his mother (other than, you know).

Poor Dawn has been having abdominal pains lately and headaches and shortness of breath and has been worried. She had so much pain toward the end of last week she called the doctor, and they decided over the phone it was probably some kind of muscle cramp. But the visit today put both of our minds at ease.

First we (both of us except for me) had the ultrasound, where a veiled and generalized lump becomes arms, legs, head, face, scrotum (swollen with hormones, very impressive), spine – and today, with super high resolution – lips, ears, cheeks, fingers and toes. It’s practically a portrait of the little nipper, and all looks very well. The ultrasound woman started cooing “how cute” when “Fetus: Olsen’s” profile came into view. I almost waved he seemed so close and real.

We both sighed deeply and relaxed. Dawn is a little wigged because he is pretty big, already over 7lbs and projecting to over 9lbs, but they have been saying all along he’d be in that range (Lily was almost 10lbs) and he is right where he is supposed to be by all measurements. So far so good – then it was time to see how mom is doing.

We love our doctor: a friendly, funny, smart, committed, compassionate youngish guy, who we always spend more time chatting with than he spends under the hood, so to speak. We were telling circumcision jokes today (“minimum wage plus tips”) amid a serious discussion on the topic, and after he gave the party line “there is no medical preference anymore” speech, we asked what HE thought and he said “helmet all the way.”

I am totally pro-helmet for cultural as well as aesthetic reasons, and the doctor added that he had two friends in high school who had to have it done as teenagers (serious owie) because they played sports and kept getting infections – so add medical to cultural and aesthetic and the snip is a done deal.

We have been concerned also because Dawn had swelling and very high blood pressure at the end of her last pregnancy, so much so that she had to be induced, but even though she thinks she is big this time also, and has had aches and pains, the doctor and I agreed that there is no comparison between this time and last. As the doctor mentioned, “By 36 weeks last time, you looked like the Stay-Puft marshmellow man after a wasp attack, you’re just fine this time.”

And indeed she is, I mean they are. Thank you modern technology for the reassurance and the preview. And thanks for great wives and doctors, which has nothing to do with technology.

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About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: [email protected],, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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