I’m Going To Need To Request A Do-Over

Damn Danny and Oswald, damn them! Who exactly am I supposed to be rooting for on The Amazing Race this season now that the team I had been pulling for (once Rob and Amber left, of course) is now no more?

The Blondes? Should I root for the Blondes, the team where both members are so interchangeable that it usually isn’t necessary to differentiate which is which? They seem to be the front runners — they’re by far the least obnoxious team, which is saying something, because I wanted to murder them when they were on last season.

Charla and Mirna? I would say horribly wretched things about them if someone wouldn’t slam me for saying bad things about a vertically challenged individual and her teammate who, despite being a lawyer, can barely speak in full sentences. To be sure, I would in no way make for fun of the shorter member of the team due to her height; rather I would focus entirely on the demeaning way in which her partner speaks to people from other countries whose first language isn’t English. But rather than take any abuse for abusing someone that may, depending on to whom you’re speaking, be at a disadvantage over others, I will avoid badmouthing them. I will, however, state that they were the first team I wanted to see leave the race at the beginning of the season and it pains me every second they get airtime.

Then there’s Eric and Danielle. The way the show is cut together, I’m moderately surprised the two of them are able to get dressed on their own each morning, at least without getting into a knockdown, drag out, brutally violent fight. Eric, I imagine, curses his way through the getting dressed process, and blames other teams for the necessity that he put on shorts, while Danielle seems to be unable to find anything the will cover her cleavage, but at least she tries.

I loved Oswald and Danny. The two of them seemed like genuinely nice and good people. Why can’t they follow a map? If they could’ve done that either last week or this week they might actually still be in the race. And – and after this I’ll stop – why would they want Charla and Mirna to win? Are they, like me, trying to make the best of a bad situation? I really wouldn’t have a problem if good old Phil disqualified everyone and made them play again.

Speaking of trying things again from the beginning, must we suffer through Mike and Susan trying to get back together… again on Desperate Housewives? It’s actually insane. They would both have to be completely and utterly crazy to try this for the twelfth time, and if the producers make us sit through another half-dozen episodes were they try and fail and try again to get back together, I may have to remove the show from my TiVo. We’ve dealt with this story for about 50 or 60 episodes already. I’m over it and I can’t imagine the rest of the audience isn’t, too. It shows an utter lack of creativity on the part of the producers.

Elsewhere on Housewives, there certainly is creativity. The producers have completely rewritten history, and act as though Susan and Edie would be, could be, and are friends. Susan and Edie, friends. Must I recount the umpteen episodes when Susan complained about, fought with, and generally maligned her nemesis? Yet, Susan apparently felt badly last night about siding with Gaby about the woman that repeatedly tried to steal Mike (and who did in fact end up leading Susan into the predicament with Mike she currently has).

Now, that’s true creativity. The producers were able to completely unburden themselves of the reality of the world that they have created and wrote up a new storyline that completely reimagines the whole thing.

At this point, and I’m just sorry to have to do this, I need to ask for a do-over on all of Sunday night television for the past few weeks. Except, of course, for The Simpsons, from whom I’ve shamelessly stolen this idea (see people, you can still be creative after nearly 400 episodes). Good for Marge, forcing a whole stadium of people to relive a little league baseball game over, and over, and over, and over…