Do You Want To Eat My Knickers? is an exciting new TV show concept where the world’s top chefs including Ferran Adrià, Jamie Oliver, and Heston Blumenthal will go head-to-head to create the tastiest dish using women’s panties.
Actresses, weather girls, and young celebrities famous for being young celebrities will peel off their undies before a live studio audience, and the chefs will reveal their wizardry baking, grilling, and sautéing these delicacies with such erotic ingredients as truffles from the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, unicorn tears, phoenix eggs from the moon’s Sea of Tranquillity, and ambergris from the deepest deeps.
The idea came to me in a Eureka moment after discovering the hosiery brand Ballerina’s* new Hush Hush line of stockings and tights that come imbued with pheromones – the female hormone that drives men wild with desire. I wasn’t aware that men needed a whiff of chemicals, but the combination of women’s undergarments and the macho motions of the kitchen clearly lends itself to the small screen’s appetite for exotic foods spiced with a sizzling dash of sex.
Finding unusual uses for lingerie is not new. Vending machines in Japan selling used panties worn by schoolgirls for up to $80 a pair made somebody rich, the practise expanding into what are known as burusera shops.
Lingerie Diva* stocks the inimitable treat: ‘Women’s Edible Panties Strawberry Gummy’ ($9.18 from Amazon), as well as a variety of edible knickers and thongs at $4.99 with flavours including passion fruit, Piña Colada, and chocolate with peanut butter. Fun foods include the candy bra and G-string set, candy nipple tassels, candy cock rings, edible tattoos, and chocolate body paint. Delicious.
Panty fetishism is called Paraphilia, which describes people moved to sexual ecstasy wearing, observing, or handling certain types of underwear; watching women putting on and taking off underwear; or putting undies on and taking it off themselves. One in ten women, I’m told, feel aroused going commando, that is not wearing any knickers at all, and feel they project a sexy aura without having to lash out $30 on hormone-scented pantyhose.
Do You Want To Eat My Knickers? is still in the planning stage. Broadcasters who want to get in early with a bid can contact me through www.chloethurlow.com and advice in the comments box will be given careful consideration.