Saturday , March 2 2024
Everywhere I turn I see or hear the word "weiner."

Strike While the Weiner Is Hot!

Since this whole thing with Representative Anthony Weiner happened, I cannot get the old Oscar Mayer “Wiener Song” out of my head. You know the one, right? I grew up with it being sung on television commercials. It goes like this:

Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener-

That is what I’d truly like to be,

’cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener,

Every one would be in love with me.

Now, I cannot help thinking that someone might just substitute “Anthony” for “Oscar Mayer” and have some fun with singing this song, but this is also a golden opportunity for the company to capitalize on the situation. Never before has the word “weiner” been so popular in the press, on the radio, and television. Everywhere I turn I see or hear the word “weiner.” I think that this is some kind of marketing moment that the company (and if not them then someone else) must use before it is too late.

Yes, Mr. Weiner spells his name differently, but that can be part of the promotion. It is something they could play up, kind of like when Gene Wilder as the crazed doctor in Young Frankenstein keeps reminding people that his name is “Franken-Shteen” and not “Franken-stine.” It seems like Mr. Weiner has (or at least had) a sense of humor, so this would be a perfect shtick for him.

I don’t know if Mr. Weiner would be up for the gig, but it would be a paying job, and he might need that down the road. Also, I hear that disgraced former NY State Governor Eliot Spitzer is looking for a co-host for a new program. Can you imagine if they joined forces? We could hear this opening line (ideally recorded by announcer Don Pardo) for the show: “Live from New York, it is the Spitzer and Weiner Show.” I’ll bet it will get great ratings, at least for the first episode or two.

Well, these have been dark days for Mr. Weiner, but someone should reach out to him and make him on offer he can’t refuse (like leave the gun but take the hot dog rolls). If Weiner endorses the right product, it will no doubt be lucrative. Or perhaps he can write a book, something like Anthony Weiner’s Guide to Twitter or a follow up to Twitter for DummiesTwitter for Really Big Dummies.

Despite this whole mess, I can’t help thinking that somewhere another disgraced former governor – Arnold Schwarzenegger – is rubbing his hands together and thinking, “T’ank Gott fer dat Veen-uh guy.” As my grandfather used to say, “You can’t make this stuff up.” Or can you?

Photo Credit: Oscar Mayer Weinermobile –
Anthony Weiner –

About Victor Lana

Victor Lana's stories, articles, and poems have been published in literary magazines and online. His new novel, 'Unicorn: A Love Story,' is available as an e-book and in print.

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