Blogcritics The critical lens on today's culture & entertainment
Okay, this week I'm bringing you my plan, my idea for where in the wonderful world that is Disney World Hitchhiker's should go. I've studied the maps, I've looked for open spaces, I've thought about how it could all fit in. I've even come up with a solution. Where is it not going to go? Where Wonders of Life used to be in EPCOT. Sure, great space, but the wrong location, it doesn't fit with the rest of the EPCOT milieu.
Sunday, July 12:
8:00 – 9:00PM
Nature – “Arctic Bears.” I hope that they have armor and are helping out the Magistrate. Through extensive reading and film-watching I've learned that bears in the Arctic do as much. They also can speak and are really cool about people riding on their backs.
9:00 – 10:30PM
Masterpiece Mystery! – "Mrs. Marple, Series IV – Murder is Easy." Wow. I'm not sure I'd be advertising that fact. I mean, do the people in the know really want others to know how easy it is to commit murder? I don't see that as a message PBS wants to be putting out there. But, then again, they probably know what they're doing.
10:30 – 11:00PM
Ribbon of Sand. Things change. It's the way of the world. It just happens. Things change. Get used to it. In this documentary Meryl Streep tells us all about how things change off the coast of North Carolina, in North Carolina's Outer Banks, to be specific. The sand shifts, the beautiful islands that exist now may not exist in the future. Things change.
Monday, July 13:
8:00 – 9:00PM
Antiques Roadshow – “Philadelphia (Hour Two).” I am hoping someone brings in the Liberty Bell — that, or the Rocky Balboa statue. Seriously, how much fun would that be, watching the appraisers take a look at the Liberty Bell, see the huge crack in it and deem it worth about $100? Good times.
9:00 – 10:00PM
History Detectives. They’re back again! Those History Detectives are going to be puzzling out clues, working the scene of the crime, and hoping against hope to solve that greatest mystery of them all: how did FredFlintstone manage to run fast enough that his big, heavy car started to move? Seriously now, that ’s a question about history and one I feel ought to be answered sooner rather than later.
10:00 – 11:00PM
Make 'em Laugh: The Funny Business of America – "The Groundbreakers: When I'm Bad, I'm Better." Herein lies an episode of a six-part PBS miniseries hosted by Billy Crystal and narrated by Amy Sedaris. This week we get to learn all about those people who broke new ground in various areas of comedy, you know, everything from liberalism to censorship to goodness knows what.
Tuesday, July 14:
8:00 – 9:00PM
Nova – "Secrets of the Parthenon." The Parthenon was built as a temple to Athena and has stood (mostly) the test of time. It's one of those things that's on my list, though I might wait until after Greece's 10 billion dollar restoration project is finished. Nova goes inside that restoration to see what's what.
9:00 – 10:00PM
Nova scienceNOW – "Episode 403." ScienceNOW is the newest addition to the Nova family and is currently in its fourth season. Episodes in this series look at a variety of topics over the course of a single episode instead of just one thing for the whole hour. Tonight the show looks at a couple of drugs that may help kids with muscular dystrophy and/or the elderly (and three other stories).
10:00 – 11:30PM
P.O.V. – “The Reckoning: The Battle for the International Criminal Court.” There is a man named Luis Moreno Ocampo. Luis Moreno Ocampo is a prosecturo for the International Criminal Court. He is also quite the globetrotter. I don't imagine that he has fun with the globetrotting what with his prosecuting ofsupervillians, but we'll see in this episode.
Wednesday, July 15:
8:00 – 9:00PM
Time Team America – "Topper, South Carolina." Another week and another episode. This time out, our team has three days… only three days… to figure out what happened to North America's first human inhabitants. Sure, they lived here around 15,000 years ago… maybe earlier… but our guys are going to work it all out in only three days. Three days people! Three days!
9:00 – 10:00PM
Ascent of Money – "Bonds of War." Songs have been written. Movies made. Stars signed on with the sheer promise of. Okay, this doesn't have—directly—to do with that. No, instead, this is all about how the system of global finance has evolved. This is episode two of four. Seriously? Only four episodes? Don't people go to school for years to figure this out?
10:00 – 11:00PM
Wide Angle – "TBA."
Thursday, July 16:
8:00 – 9:00PM
The This Old House Hour – Episode TBA. It’s This Old House and Ask This Old House. It’s like maintenance… for your home. Wait, no, that’s exactly what it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not awesome though. Seriously, The This Old House Hour is one of the finest home improvement hours on PBS. No joke.
9:00 – 10:00PM
Antiques Roadshow – “Philadelphia (Hour Two).” I am hoping someone brings in the Liberty Bell — that, or the Rocky Balboa statue. Seriously, how much fun would that be, watching the appraisers take a look at the Liberty Bell, see the huge crack in it and deem it worth about $100? Good times.
10:00 – 11:00PM
Soundstage – "Billy Idol." He's vital… Idol. As an old professor of mine said "that's right, I said it, he he." I don't know if Idol is doing new stuff here, but I do know that he's going to be doing old favorites, you know, stuff like "White Wedding" and "Rebel Yell." Is Idol still a rebel or is he old enough to be establishment now?
Friday, July 17:
8:00 – 8:30PM
Washington Week with Gwen Ifill and National Journal #4903. Another whole week has gone by and good old Gwen Ifill and National Journal are here to fill us in. For the record, I like to pretend the National Journal is a sidekick, like Robin to Batman, Starsky to Hutch, or chocolate sauce to chocolate ice cream.
8:30 – 9:00PM
NOW on PBS #529. It’s the Emmy award-winning weekly news magazine. It looks at issues facing our democracy. The show is hosted by David Brancaccio. And, even better, they still send me e-mails (I think that makes me cool and them nice). Thanks, Now, you guys are awesome!
9:00 – 10:00PM
Bill Moyers Journal #1314. It’s Bill Moyers. It’s his 1,314th journal (not really, but I’m not going to explain to you the way in which TV shows are numbered at this point in time, maybe later if you’re nice). He’s a good journalist so I assume this will be good journalism (at least the odds are it will).
10:00 – 11:00PM
Inside – "Tut's Treasure Tour.” King Tut. King Tut. Funky Tut. Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia. On the treasure, this Tut's not a bore. Look behind the scenes things you won't see in magazines. Funky Tut. King Tut. King Tut.
Saturday, July 18:
11:00PM – 12:00AM
Austin City Limits – "Lucinda Williams/Old Crow Medicine Show." I don't think I'd refer to Lucinda Williams as an "old crow." But I wonder if the "medicine show" referred to herein means that she takes drugs during the episode. Fingers crossed.
Where would Hitchhiker's fit? Well, it would fit in the England section of EPCOT, if there were space, and I don't think there is so I wouldn't put it there. Actually, it should go in Hollywood Studios. It's a movie-based attraction people, it should of course go in Hollywood studios. As it's a Star Tours-esque ride, if Disney wanted to pull down Star Tours, I'd probably put it right there, but I don't think they will (and don't think they should), so we'll talk about the exact location next week.
