Wednesday , April 24 2024
The fashion world pranked every woman's psyche with a painful wedgie, but now there's something that makes that wedgie nuclear.

News You Can Abuse: High-Earning Women

As if the world of fashion models hadn’t already pranked every woman’s psyche with a painful enough wedgie, along comes a set of criteria so specific it makes that wedgie nuclear. Joyce Wu uses an infographic on The Huffington Post to show us “The Highest Earning Women Have These Qualities In Common,” but her research lacks last names and pictures. So who are these women who share all these qualities? Using Wu’s list, let’s imagine these women for ourselves; and feel free to see how you measure up along the way.

The Genetic Lottery

Wu’s high-earning women are first bestowed with a host of things outside their control. Their names are Deborah, Sally, Debra, Cynthia or Carolyn. They’re Asian and they were born in Westlake, Texas (population: 702). These women are beautiful, left-handed and the eldest child in their families. They were born into money, grew up to be 5’10” (177 cm) and they’re blonde. Since being born blonde and Asian is so unlikely, let’s assume our high-earners took a trip to the salon and told their stylists to go to town with the bleach.

You’re Not Good Enough – Again

Are you anything like this so far? No, of course you aren’t. Not to worry. There’s some redemption to be had even if your short, frumpy and dark or red-haired parents shoved you out into the world carrying the weight of their non-Asian ancestry. But like the elusive creatures on Wu’s list, you too could be a pharmacist, chief executive or lawyer who lives in Washington, D.C. with a good credit report. These mystical mavens drink, but they don’t smoke and they weigh just 130 pounds (59 kilos). And if you’re married, stop it. Wu’s goddesses of the grubstake are single.

What a Difference a Day Makes

If by some bizarre stretch of fortune you have all the qualities listed thus far, there’s one more thing guaranteed to kick you to the high-earning curb: being 30. Wu’s well-heeled women are 29 years old. If you’re not there yet, you potentially have just 365 days of high-rollin’ ahead of you; but if your 30th birthday is tomorrow (or you’re already older), it sucks to be you. Apparently.

In fairness, it might have been a headline-writer at the Huffington Post, rather than Ms Wu, who lumped all high-earning women under the same non-existent umbrella. Her infographic appears on LearnVe$t without any such claim of shared traits. Nonetheless, she thinks her list is “interesting,” even as anyone familiar with more popular fairy tales might disagree. And though she concedes there is no causal link between high-earners and the qualities on the list, this admittance just renders her infographic moot. But hey, just like being 29, making fun of it was fun while it lasted.

About Diana Hartman

Diana is a USMC (ret.) spouse, mother of three and a Wichita, Kansas native. She is back in the United States after 10 years in Germany. She is a contributing author to Holiday Writes. She hates liver & motivational speakers. She loves science & naps.

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