Monday , February 26 2024
Crime doesn’t pay no matter how much you do it, David Paterson chides late night satire, and irony paves the way.

News of the Accused, Confused, and Bemused

Urine Big Trouble Now

Alachua County, Florida authorities haven’t found a refrigerator stolen from a probation office by a guy whose urine sample popped positive for drug use. As if doing drugs on probation weren’t enough, the guy is also charged with arson, destroying evidence, burglary, and larceny in connection with the theft. He’s being held at the Alachua County jail.

Now he has a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of.

Blinded by the Plight

Saturday Night Live has been accused of going too far by New York Governor David Paterson, saying SNL used his visual impairment to portray him as confused, incapable, and out of touch – thus offending all people with disabilities.

Paterson’s communications director, Risa Heller, said the skit ridiculed people with disabilities by suggesting they are not capable of responsibility. Heller defended the offense taken by the governor, saying he “engages in humor all the time, and he can certainly take a joke."

Risa’s right about that. Some of Paterson’s more humorous engagements include admitting to extramarital affairs within 24 hours of his inauguration as New York’s governor and his admission of cocaine and marijuana use. That’s some funny stuff, Governor!

Critics of SNL miss a crucial point: If Paterson weren’t blind the skit would’ve looked and sounded exactly the same.

Oh My, O. Henry

What the hell? Felix Batista has been kidnapped.

Felix is a Miami Cuban-American and an anti-kidnapping expert. His life's work includes negotiating the release of dozens of hostages. He was in Saltillo, Mexico advising others about dealing with kidnappings for ransom when he was abducted by Mexican gunmen.

Felix is a good guy who has done a lot of good for a lot of people. Maybe he’ll be released in exchange for some less productive member of society, say someone from Florida or New York.

About Diana Hartman

Diana is a USMC (ret.) spouse, mother of three and a Wichita, Kansas native. She is back in the United States after 10 years in Germany. She is a contributing author to Holiday Writes. She hates liver & motivational speakers. She loves science & naps.

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