TV and Film Guy officially declares December 17 National Forget Your Family, Love Your Television Day!
Dear reader, I am greatly disheartened by the hatred people display on a very regular basis for their television. Do you realize that some people have gone so far as to put bumper stickers on their cars asking people to kill their television? More importantly, do you realize that the vast majority of the people that put these stickers on their cars drive beat up old hunks of junk that spew ridiculous amounts of noxious chemicals into the air and get no better than 15 miles to the gallon?
Seriously, the world would be a far better place, and far healthier, if such people would park their cars in their driveways, go inside, and sit in front of their TV for 10 or 12 hours. These people are also the exact same sort of folk that love novels and don’t understand the irony that when the novel was a brand-spanking new art form it was decried as well as being low-brow and unworthy of one’s attention. Ah irony, completely lost on those people with “Kill Your Television” bumper stickers. I think it all has something to do with the notion that an inanimate object such as a television could be killed to begin with.
But, on with the show…
National Forget Your Family, Love Your Television Day requires very little effort on your part, that’s the genius of the whole thing. Pack the kids off to a friend’s house early in the morning, sit down in front of the TV and bask in its warm glow all day long. Don’t want to pack the kids off? Fine, you probably have more than one TV in your house — you watch one, they watch a different one. That way there’s no fighting over the remote, there’s no complaining about your choice of shows, and there’s just very little whining in general. It’s the world the way it ought to be.
National Forget Your Family, Love Your Television Day allows for the world to be the way the world ought to be. It allows you take a load off, sit back, and relax. Sure, it’s entirely possible that you could do this sort of thing on any given day. It’s always hypothetically possible for you to take a break and relax, but let’s be honest with one another — you never do. You always spend the weekend running around like a chicken with its head cut off. You never take time to sit back, relax and find out what’s up, or in this case, what’s on.
Well, let me give you a brief example. Olive, The Other Reindeer is on, TNT is going to air back-to-back-to-back the Lord of the Rings movies. There’s golf, there’s football, and there’s religious programming of other, more conventional, varieties too. There are holiday specials and movies, there’s the news, there’s soap recaps, and there’s American Idol Rewind. There is everything you could ever want and more.
Take the day off. Kick the family out. (Did they bother buying you a Christmas gift yet? Surely they could get that task out of the way.) This is a day for you to commune with your television, to make up for all the time you’ve spent doing other things this year. This is a day for you and your TV to be one.
Celebrate this first National Forget Your Family, Love Your Television Day. It’ll be everything you’ve ever dreamed of, that I promise.