Found Poetry: Independent Press Book Descriptions

The world is in an awful state. What’s the answer? Finding poetry in unexpected places. That’s the answer: found poetry. And I’ll prove it.

Prestigious publishing companies promoting their newest releases take out full- or multiple-page ads in the New York Review of Books. But so do independent presses with literary standards that are, shall we say, not quite so lofty.

Here are word-for-word descriptions from the ads for some of these independent titles. They’re truly meant to sell the books.

I’ve deployed my English-major mojo to transform them into found poetry through the magic of line breaks.

You’re welcome.

—

There’s a parallel universe
with creatures that are
myth in ours. Its new king
is crowned. People from Earth
are abducted.

Bianca is in peril.

—

Aaron creates a new race
of me. Three hundred

impregnated girls are sent
throughout the Milky Way to ensure

our speech
rules the galaxy.

—

Award-winning novelist
and cultural critic

interrogates his own
profession.

It goes terribly.

—

A reluctant ninja
fights to save the mayor and his
fledgling drive-thru fondue business
in this irreverent
action-comedy.

—

Maitreya and the Masters are here to inspire
a complete transformation of our planet…

Our Space Brothers and Sisters,
working directly with them
are here on a
spiritual mission

to help humanity
save the planet from
environmental
destruction.

—

Marauding invaders, stolen art,
cataclysmic earthquakes.

Brigands, partisans,
necromancers,
a seductive sybil.

Snowcapped mountains, rippling vineyards
and olive groves.

Roman ports – Picenum!

—

Max Dent, heart surgeon and
former assassin,
is drawn

into
a terrorist plot
that threatens

another holocaust.

Only Max
can stop it,
if
he
survives.

—

Frank, tired,
life punching down,
famous but broke,
in bad health,

now comes news of
murder
in the family.

And the past comes back,
haunting.

—

What’s to be learned from the unknown fate
of planet Ulro? That’s the question
for the Governor of the New Earth.

—

This book
is good for
America.