DVD Review: A Purge Of Dissidents

So, there are these green guys with huge heads and big hands and feet, but with bodies made up of sticks. On their heads they've got what look like a set of really strange mouse ears – except they are big green circles that look to be as large as the head and, well, just odd. But it's the eye that gets you.

It (yep, only the one) looks sort of like an eye in that there is a black pupil and the white stuff around that – but at the centre of the pupil it looks like the damn thing's head and ears are done up again in miniature. This time though there are three white circles of different sizes — with the biggest stacked on top of the two smallest.

For some reason the eye is down on the side of the face on what would be our cheek and the mouth runs up the side of the face in a big happy grin full of really pointy teeth all nicely interlocked. It makes you wonder what the hole in the forehead is all about and the beak-like thing sticking out where the mouth should be.

Come to think of it, the damn thing looks like it's standing in profile with its eye and mouth pasted onto the left side of its face. I guess we could ask Dalek (James Marshall) about the nasty little critters since he invented them, but seeing as how he seems so reticent to give out information, that won't be much help. Judging by their behaviour in a short movie called A Purge Of Dissidents I'd say the little buggers are out of control and have a knife to his throat in order to ensure their creator's silence.

It's like some damned latter day Frankenstein thing, you know! Except this time it's a wigged out liberal artist, and instead of being locked up in some laboratory in the hills of Transylvania, he's holed up in a studio in the wastelands of Los Angeles, California. No bloody wonder they call it the city of Lost Angels if weird shit like this goes down. It's bad enough with Hollywood there, but at least its contained…

But these weird little Space Monkey dudes (I suppose Dalek thought the name was cute and all, but little did he know they were making a monkey out of him), they could be anywhere at any time. One thing is for sure, if that little excuse for a cartoon movie those depraved, green-skinned gnomes put out is to be believed, they is fixing to cause us all sorts of trouble. They could make all the Ay-rabs and their liberal supporters at the U.N. look like a dream compared to the kind of havoc the monkeys are prepared to unleash.

Now if you're wondering how I know about all this it's because some God-fearing soul must have risked his life to send me a copy of this so-called cartoon the little ghouls are putting out. Not only is there a DVD, but they've enclosed blueprints for others out there to create them disguised in the form of drawings and sketches. Sure it looks just like any other storyboards for a cartoon movie, but I know there has to be more to it than that.

They must be hoping some other drugged up, left liberal, artsy type will see them and create more of them. The CD must be some sort of activation code because it's nothing like any music I've ever heard before. Those aren't songs, they are a sonic assault upon eardrums that I just know weren't meant for humans to hear and I'll bet they're like encouragement to the little beasties.

Why else would they include a CD of the music from the film if it weren't for some nefarious anti-establishment reason? Oh sure, they say it's because they have extra "songs" on it that were left out of the movie, but they're not fooling anyone. Did you see the face on that guy (he calls himself King Buzzo of the Melvins), who wrote about making the music? If that’s not somebody whose mind is controlled by aliens, I'll trade in my National Security badge right now.

Him and that other one – Haze XXL – I mean what kind of person would willingly call themselves that? Come to think of it, what kind of person would call themselves Dalek either? Maybe they're not so innocent after all. You don't like to think that young people in America could go so bad and become one with the forces of evil and darkness but just look at some of the titles of the different chapters in the cartoon feature. We better hope it's mind control we're dealing with or we could be in deeper trouble then we thought.

I can tell you're still not convinced about the serious nature of the threat, are you? Well maybe if we examine Exhibit A, the DVD, a little closer you'll start to get the picture. Take a look at the chapter titles; right off the bat with chapter one they tell you point blank what they're all about. "The Ascension Of The Anti-Christ" is a bit of a giveaway, don't you think?

It only gets worse from there – what are we supposed to make of a title called the "Emperor Smokes Crack" which ends in a pool of blood so deep that the bodies float away? Now I've got nothing against violence, nothing wrong with it in its proper place, like a good Arnold movie where he's blowing away ragheads by the score, but this was just sick. They were wielding knives and a mallet like they were going out of style and blood was gushing everywhere. What sort of sick mind would depict violence like that?

Every single damned chapter is full of violence, each scene as sick as or sicker then the one before it. But the killer, so to speak, came about halfway through when they stopped any pretense of innocence with the piece of work called "The G.O.P. Will Set Me Free". For those of you too lame to know, that stands for The Grand Old Party, or the Republicans. (We like to call it God's Own Party but that's kept quiet, the higher ups think it would raise too many hackles among the rich Jews who they've blackmailed into supplying us with money. Oh for the days when America is Free and we can stand up and be proud of who we are instead of kowtowing to the non-believers.)

I tell you this one had me reaching for the 9mm to blow away the television screen, would have too, but the wife stopped me just in time. The nerve of the little shits desecrating the holy red, white and blue, by using it in their sick little games and having it become a weapon of mass destruction in the shape of a top hat like our dear Uncle Sam wears.

But the worst was yet to come; if I had known what was left I wouldn't have let the little woman stop me from blowing away the television. "The Second Coming" is what those little abominations call the last two chapters but they bore about as much relationship to what will happen when Our Lord returns as beer does to wine. I was so shocked by what I saw that I almost forgot to be angry.

There's the one scene in particular that galled me the most. One of the little buggers is raining down death and destruction with a mounted machine gun. Nothing wrong with that of course but the inscription on the side of the weapon says "The Baby Jesus". At one point he runs out of ammunition and "The Baby Jesus" gun proceeds to suck him in and shoot him out as bullets.

That's what put me over the edge and told me something truly dangerous was going on here and if we didn't do anything to stop it we could be facing some serious trouble. These little monsters, whether under their own volition or the control of one of those "artists", are out to destroy our values and those things we hold dear as God-fearing Republicans.

All the proof of their subversive nature is there for any to see if they want to; all they have to do is open their eyes and watch A Purge Of Dissidents and they'll get the picture. Its little runts like this Dalek character that have made it possible for shit like this to happen. Only if we are constantly vigilant will we be able to prevent those little Green Space Monkeys from having their way with us.