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A Pocketful of Happiness
Coping with a family member’s serious illness while taking care of them is one of life’s most difficult challenges, as Richard E. Grant chronicles in his memoir, A Pocketful of Happiness. The Academy Award-winning actor (Saltburn, Can You Ever Forgive Me?) was devastated when he learned that his wife, dialect coach Joan Washington, had stage 4 lung cancer in January 2021.
Incorporating notes from his diary, Grant details the arc of Washington’s illness—good and bad days—intermingled with stories and love letters from their nearly 35 years of marriage.
On Wrestling with Different Emotions
With the pandemic at its height, Grant, Washington, and their daughter Olivia spent a lot of time together at home between medical appointments. Early on in the book, Grant points out that “If this illness has begun to teach us anything, it’s living in the moment, for the moment, is the most positive way forward.”
It’s an odd sort of limbo, to avoid the urge to plan for the future, something that comes so naturally in normal times. Cancer invades every part of your life, and there are complicated emotions to unpack at every turn each day. A simple trip to the outdoor market together can turn into a disaster. Grocery shopping and other errands are problematic because you’re afraid to leave your loved one alone.
In the July chapter, Grant writes, “I was nicknamed Mondlwani—’the man whose head is in the clouds’ – which is pretty much how I’m feeling at this juncture. Trying to keep my feet on the ground and not go spiraling off into the sky, projecting into the future.”
On Telling Their Friends
Grant and Olivia urged Washington to tell their closest friends about her illness. After her initial reluctance, she gave them permission to compose and send out an email.
Some friends reacted oddly, to the point of pretending nothing was wrong. “Since sharing our news with all of our friends two months ago, am finding it difficult not to judge the ones who haven’t been in touch whatsoever,” Grant wrote.
Most of their friends answered the news with love and offers of help. Washington read all of their tributes while she was still alive, and they meant a great deal to her. Grant includes the tributes—many by fellow professionals in the arts—in the back of his book. While readers can get a vivid picture of Joan Washington through Grant’s writing, it’s beautiful to see how their friends adored and appreciated the same qualities in her.
On Washington
The summer-month chapters are among the most difficult to read, partly because with every page you turn, you’re aware that you’re getting closer to the end of Washington’s life. And what a brilliant life she lived as a wife, mother, and dialect coach—warm with her friends and family, hilarious, astute, but also a no-nonsense type of person. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend this BBC clip where Washington shows the camera crew how she prepared Grant’s breakfast.
There’s a lovely complementarity in Grant’s relationship with her and how they balanced each other out. It’s comical sometimes, as when Grant is starstruck and giddy in meeting celebrities while Washington didn’t get starstruck at encounters with Donald Sutherland and Barbra Streisand.
It’s no surprise that Grant writes at length about Streisand. Since most of those stories are available in his TV interviews, I won’t touch on it except to say that he’s probably her biggest fan.
As I mentioned about the July chapter, Grant was trying desperately to keep his feet on the ground. In August, just a month before her death, Washington told him, “You’re going to be all right—try to find a pocketful of happiness in every single day.”
On Those Pocketfuls of Happiness
Washington’s advice fits well with Grant’s lifelong habit of keeping a diary. The daily goal that she charged Grant with is something he takes seriously and tries his best to fulfill. Just look at his social media to see the baby steps as well as the leaps and bounds he’s taken, whether it’s a jog, an encounter with old friends, or a film set experience.
There’s a lot to take away from Grant’s reminisces about his wife that you can apply to your life. Finding your pocketful of happiness isn’t always easy, but it’s a powerful way to live and stay focused on what really matters. Happiness remains an option, no matter what hardships or losses you’ve endured. That’s an encouraging message of hope to hold onto in a world inundated by negativity and chaos.
Grant’s memoir also serves as an excellent model for ways you can help friends having a hard time with serious illness. Here are a few ideas from the book: You can opt to participate in a meal train, drive your friends to their medical appointments, or even visit to share old photos and stories. If you’re not sure what to do, start by sending a kind note and then volunteering when a situation arises that fits your talents and strengths.
And even if your friend is in the best of health, tell them now what you appreciate about the months or years you’ve known them, or someday it’ll be too late.
Follow Richard E. Grant on Instagram and X (formerly Twitter) for his latest updates and pocketfuls of happiness.
