Blu-ray Review: Hop (2011)

Did you know the Easter Bunny defecates jelly beans? No? Nor did I, until I had the unfortunate displeasure of witnessing Hop, an atrocious kiddie film that seems to feel it should insult its viewers rather than entertain them. One such attack on our dignity takes place when E.B., the CGI-animated rabbit that is Hop‘s main character (and is voiced by one of Great Britain’s most famous maladroit stoners, Russell Brand — oh, be still, my beating heart) excretes a pile of jelly beans on the hood of the car pertaining to our human protagonist, Fred (as portrayed by James Marsden).

Mind you, this is a family-friendly Easter flick, folks. Further liberties with our own liberties are taken earlier in the film when E.B. — who is the successor of the current Easter Bunny (voiced by Hugh Laurie) — runs away to see the world (and become a drummer in a rock band), and mistakes Playboy Mansion as a place for bunnies (get it?). Now, I’m not sure what the current rules of raising children are when it concerns this matter, but I don’t think we’re supposed to clue in our kids about Playboy magazine and its famous owner, Hugh Hefner. Of course, when you watch Reality TV with your kids day in and day out, what do you expect?

So anyway, after E.B. flees from Easter Island [groans], he finds himself in Hollywood and in the “care” of slacker Fred O’Hare — a grown man whose family had tossed him out earlier in the day after staging an intervention on account of his laziness. The two make quite a pair, needless to say: E.B. begins to screw up Fred’s attempts at starting a life, while Fred seems to be the only person in the world that is concerned over the fact that there’s a talking, animated rabbit that shits jelly beans running around.

Also starring in this awful movie are Gary Cole, Kaley Cuoco, Elizabeth Perkins, and David Hasselhoff as humans (the latter appears as himself), with Hank Azaria lending his voice to an offensive animated character, a baby chicken named Carlos. The Blind Boys of Alabama make a cameo as themselves — which prompted me to wonder if they should perhaps find a new agent.

Released on April Fool’s Day in 2011 (how appropriate!), Hop has been hopping around ever since waiting for a home video release. Almost a full year later, timed to coincide with all of the appearance of all the Easter-oriented stuff at Walmart (baskets, chocolates, candies, Action Bibles, etc.), Hop shuffles its way into stores with a rare Friday release date. Sure, nobody really gave the movie very much notice the first time it rolled around. And yes, a year later, people are bound to care even less about it, but that doesn’t change the fact that Universal Studios has given Hop a High-Def release that is way too good-looking for the movie itself. The video and audio aspects aren’t “spectacular,” per se, but they’re a lot better than this title surely warrants.

In order to make the movie seem “fresh” to buyers, the box for Hop prominently advertises an “All-New Mini-Movie” as being part of this Blu-ray/DVD/Digital Copy set. Sadly, I have no idea what that all-new mini-movie actually is: there’s a three-minute thingy called “Phil’s Dance Party,” which brings us the further exploits of the movie’s baby chicks. There are several other items in Hop‘s Easter basket of recently-excreted goodies, including several short featurettes which are mostly just filler. A couple of forgettable games (also short) are tacked on as well, and there two U-Control items available.

In short: I’m Hopping mad that I wasted 96 minutes of my life on this impertinent trash.