You know how, every now and again, you read or hear of a touching story about an entire community that pitched in to help someone less fortunate out? Whether it be a true tale wherein a family lost their home and worldly possessions in a fire and everyone came to the rescue, or the entire neighborhood canvassed the whole town in order to locate a missing child, it’s nice to know that there are some truly kind and helpful people in this world. I only wish that a similar group of kind-hearted people would pitch in to start up a “Help Curtis ‘50 Cent’ Jackson Buy Some Talent Fund.”
In the unsophisticatedly-scripted and simplistically-titled snoozefest Gun — the latest moving picture the acclaimed two-stepping rapper-cum-would-be-filmmaker has cruelly subjected the public to — Señor Centavo engraves “Auteur” into his patented bullet-proof diamond-plated solid gold actor’s chair, as he not only provided us a prime example of why recording artists with ridiculous names should never pretend they can act, but he also wrote and co-produced this yawn-worthy yarn. Giving himself the most enviable role of all, 50 stars of a gun-running hood (of course he does!) who shoots a lot of people and mumbles even more.
Backing Curtis up here is former star Val Kilmer as a recently-released thug. Together, these two powerful beacons of acting (one who has sadly mistaken this to be his prime while the other is, sadly, way past his prime) dare their viewers to stay awake or, at the very least, not transfix on the wall behind the television. Charlize Theron impersonator AnnaLynne McCord also stars as 50’s love interest. Sure, she’s a bad actress, but she puts our star/writer/producer to shame!
So, anyway, while 50 and Val do their thing, several other actors who should know better disgrace their careers by showing up. Police detectives James Remar and Paul Calderon (the latter of whom sports a fine ‘50s lounge singer look) desperately try to figure out what’s going on in the movie. Next, a prominently-billed Danny Trejo shows up for a whopping two-minutes of screen time before getting shot to death. But the winner here is actually John Larroquette (!), who pops up toward the end of the film as a wealthy mastermind who is working on some sort of plan to do something with some people and/or guns. I could be mistaken as to what his character was supposed to be doing, though, since — in case I haven’t been clear about it as yet — 50 Cent’s Gun sucks.
Image Entertainment brings us a decent High-Def transfer of this low-budget dud. The 2.35:1 widescreen movie has a very grey look to it (it’s an urban drama, remember?), so don’t expect any vibrant colors, but the 1080p/AVC transfer is surprisingly nice for such a cheap flick. The detail here almost enables you to get lost inside one of Val Kilmer’s neck flaps, while the contrast is pretty damn good, too.
Accompanying the film is a DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 soundtrack that relies mostly on its front speakers for dialogue and sound effects, while several annoyingly-repetitive rap songs (courtesy 50 Cent and several other shortchanged denominations) pour out of the rear speakers to diminish your intelligence quota. One particularly head-shaking moment for me occurred as one of 50 Cent’s tracks began playing and he announces that he is 50 Cent at the same time he appears on the screen! And, should you be dyin’ to know the lyrics to any of the fine tunes included in the film, just switch on the English (SDH) or Spanish subtitles.
Fortunately, Image didn’t want to waste anyone’s time with a selection of featurettes or commentaries here: all that’s included in the special features for this release is a trailer for the main feature itself.
In short: if you somehow, for some reason, wind up with a copy of Gun in your hands, don’t panic. Instead, get out your favorite firearm, load the disc into a skeet shooter and shout “Pull!”