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Thank You, Osama!

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Things have seemed, if not spiraling out of control, then at least heading very much in the wrong direction since the murder and desecration of four Americans in Fallujah over a month ago. And then add the chaos and bloodshed that has followed, and the American culpability in mistreatment of prisoners in Iraq.

But – going a long way to right the ship – after a day of dithering, today Bush issued a direct apology for the mistreatment, efforts are well under way to bring the guilty to justice, Rummy gets ceremonially grilled by Congress tomorrow, and most salubrious of all, just when we need him most, Osama bin Laden jumps into the breach to remind us why there’s a war on terror in the first place:

    An audio recording attributed to Osama bin Laden offered rewards in gold Thursday for the killing of top U.S. and U.N. officials in Iraq or of the citizens of any nation fighting there.

    ….”You know that America promised big rewards for those who kill mujahedeen (holy warriors),” the speaker said. “We in al-Qaida organization will guarantee, God willing, 10,000 grams of gold to whoever kills the occupier Bremer, or the American chief commander or his deputy in Iraq.”

    He was referring to L. Paul Bremer, the chief U.S. administrator in Iraq, and top military officials.

    “For security reasons, the rewards will be given as soon as conditions permit, God willing,” the voice said. “As for those who die while killing an occupying solider, the great prize will be for us and for him when God grants him martyrdom, and the smaller prize (the gold) will be for his family.”

    ….The recording promised the same reward for the deaths of U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan and his envoy to Iraq, Lakhdar Brahimi.

    “The United Nations is nothing but a Zionists’ tool, even if it worked under the cover of providing humanitarian aid,” the voice said. “… Whoever kills Kofi Annan or the head of his commission in Iraq or a representative like Lakhdar Brahimi, he will be awarded the same prize of 10,000 grams of gold.”

    The speaker promised a lesser prize – 1,000 grams of gold – to anyone killing a citizen of countries he called “the masters of the veto like Americans and Britons” – a reference to nations with veto power on the U.N. Security Council.

    And he offered 500 grams of gold to anyone killing citizens of countries he called “slaves of the Security Council who are in Iraq, like Japan and Italy.”

    The context indicated the rewards applied to citizens of those countries who are in Iraq.

    With gold selling Thursday on London exchanges for $387.60 a troy ounce, 10,000 grams of gold was valued at $124,630, 1,000 grams at $12,463, and 500 grams at $6,231.

    ….The speaker urged Iraqis to fight a holy war against their U.S.-appointed Governing Council, which he called a “puppet” of the U.S.-led coalition and “a tool to pass their plans to the people and a way to show their hatred of religion.”

    “Therefore, jihad (holy war) is obligatory for all Muslims in Iraq,” the speaker said. [AP]

Thank you, infected pustule of the desert, for reminding us that this IS the same war, for reminding all that no one is safe who does not suckle at the radical Islamist teat, for reminding us who the real bad guys are.

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About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: Twitter@amhaunted, Facebook.com/amhaunted, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.
  • It would seem that some “believers” do not realize that their god works through the acts of men, as well as through his acts. I would suppose that you pray for peace yet you hold a deaf ear when “GOD” calls upon you to act.
    You pious christians forget that the fanatic islam of today is you a few hundred years ago.You liberals think that if you embrace all behaviour you will prove to everyone how openminded you are. yet you show how closed minded you have become when I try to express my veiws.

    If you were only openminded enough you would belive what I believe. Your not beliving my belief proves that you are not open minded.

    does this sound familiar to you.

    does it remind you of yourself at one time or another. If not you probably need to do a little soul searching. Afterall you are human arent you. You have made mistakes in judgement. You have been pious at least once in your life, havent you.

    I personally reject as many beliefs on a daily basis as I can. I refuse to believe. Yet I must keep constant vigil lest I use my non belief as the basis for my own religious creation.

    can you live comfortably not knowing.
    that is what religious practice is all about. The fear of not knowing. Its a big cover up.

    I dont know. I cant know.
    I dont want to know. That does not make me an atheist. But them you probably wouldnt understand.

  • No, RJ… I don’t wonder why you call me a whore. I don’t wonder about you at all. Your general demeanor speaks loads about your intellect. You’re very transparent so there isn’t much to wonder about. Sorry. *shrugs*

    I think you should run along and create another post where you mention AGAIN something about women who like large penises are this that and the other thing. You seem to be really worried about what women are sticking up their cooters. You seem to be upset that some men have nice size dicks. Is this because you are worried that you are lacking in the manhood department, or are jealous that a dildo could possibly see more action in its entire lifetime than a human one?

  • “The last time I was in a uniform and I was dragging a naked man about by a leash, a lot of money exchanged hands, and a lot of begging ensued.”

    And you wonder why I call you a whore… ;-P

  • mike

    The only silver lining in the Iraq mess is that it means the United States will never again be able to launch a war like Iraq. It’s militarily impossible. It’s politically impossible.

    Bush may have accomplished Noam Chomsky’s (and my) fondest hope. He may have crippled the U.S. military.

    If so, I say good riddance to it.

  • I live here because I can’t afford to move. It isn’t my fucking war, either. If stating that is a problem for some one, too bad. Deal with it.

    And if some radical islamofascist has a gun to my head, I’ll have to deal with that. Hey — I’d end up in a better place with no war, eh?

  • The last time I was in a uniform and I was dragging a naked man about by a leash, a lot of money exchanged hands, and a lot of begging ensued.

    On top of it, getting my panties on their head would have cost EXTRA.

    These stupid Arabs got the same thing for FREE. Can you imagine that? Quality S&M play in a REAL PRISON with a REAL CHICK IN UNIFORM for free and they are BITCHING ABOUT IT??!!!

    Damn, I know some dudes over here who would PAY ROYALLY for such an opportunity. How fucking ungrateful!

    Them Arabs… stupid.

  • mike

    “He told and Arab king he was sorry it happened – I’d say that covers the bases.”

    Phew! I’m glad this is all past us. The rest of the world will quickly forgive us, and the pictures will fade into history.

    The horrible nightmare (as The Daily Show said) of people judging us by our actions instead of the turgid FreedomSpeak that issues from Instapundit Land, is finally over. This country’s back on track.

    Let’s celebrate by stacking some Arabs in a pyramid and dragging them around by their leashes. Now that we’ve “covered all the bases,” no one will mind.

  • Eric Olsen

    I guess it does need to be stated – thanks Tom.

  • Maybe his family can borrow another private jet from George W. Bush like they did after 9/11.

    I love this argument, because it is so utterly childish and meaningless. Think about it for a minute: the relatives of the man behind the biggest terror attacks ever are here in the US. People will surely find this out and may seek personal revenge by attacking and/or killing them. If that happens, Osama and a legion of blind idiot followers will descend on the US for what they perceive as our, as a whole nation, “terrorist” attacks on his family. What would you do? Lock them up? Same result – Osama would say they have been imprisoned. What’s the best choice? Get them out of the country and out of our responsibility. Bush did that, and I thank him. And guess what? Gore, Nader, or anyone who was president at the time would have done the exact same thing.

    You didn’t think of that, did you? No, because this is a logical decision, and logic has repeatedly been thrown out the window by the anti-Bush contingent.

  • boomcrashbaby

    The avalanche has started, it’s too late for the pebbles to vote.

  • Eric Olsen

    Boom, Whether or not whomever chooses to “accept” the apology, the point is that he made it, which was the right thing to do. This is a signal to all who will listen that “we” (America, the administration, the military) take this problem seriously, acknowledge that it was wrong, that we are culpable, emphasize that the guilty will be punished, and that we are not attempting to minimize the issue. These are all vital matters.

  • It’s mike’s statement about how it isn’t his “fucking war” which is the problem. Saying you don’t agree with the war is one thing, but no matter what it is all our “fucking war.” You live here, you are probably permitted to vote and as a result even in your disagreeing, it is your war too. Surprise. Congrats. Deal with it. This isn’t me saying you are unpatriotic because you don’t like the war and you don’t support the war. That would be ridiculous. This is me saying that you are mistaken if you don’t realize this is your war too.

    We are past the point of no return. You have no choice as long as you are here.

  • boomcrashbaby

    Eric, my own personal opinion is that Bush shouldn’t have to apologize. But I didn’t hear it and according to the Arab world, they didn’t either. To whom is it more important this message be received? American voters or the Arab world?

    One question I have in sincerity, is how come his ‘apology’ covers the bases, as you put it, to many Americans such as yourself, when these Americans acknowledge that it wasn’t his fault, he had no knowledge AND the apology was NOT received/accepted. So how does this apology elevate him from the problem? It’s like me apologizing for the killer in the nearest jail, (but not apologizing to the victims families) and everybody suddenly being satisfied with that. Makes no sense to me.

  • Eric Olsen

    There have now been a number of these “statements” that the experts feel are authentic that would either indicate he is alive or or had the foresight of Nostradamus.

  • Let me get this straight… people *really* believe Osama is still alive? *Really*?

  • Eric Olsen

    Just look how many degrees of separation from his focus on us, the Great Satan, bin Laden is willing to go to reward his minions for committing murder: Japanese, Italians, UN officials. He wants anyone who doesn’t subscribe to his brand of terrorist Islam dead – he would gladly incinerate 90% of all human beings, and support for the war in Iraq is not a nicety he is concerned with.

  • mike: “It’s not my fucking war.”

    You think any radical Islamofascist cleric would give a shit if you said this while he held a gun to your head?

  • Eric Olsen

    Thanks Andrew, no particular courage, just saying what I think.

    Boom, it sounds like an apology to me – he didn’t do it himself, or issue an order, or have knowledge of it. That’s why he’s pissed at Rumsfeld. He told and Arab king he was sorry it happened – I’d say that covers the bases.

    Natalie has never wavered from her pacifism: I don’t see it as practical but I respect and admire her dedication and consistency and certainly the underlying impulse.

    Jade, apparently Osama gets lonely in his cave because he can’t stand to be out of the public eye (or ear) for too long: “Hey, don’t forget about me. I’m the REALLY bad guy and I will eat all your livers!”

    And talk about living in another millennium: “I will bestow GOLD upon you, my subjects.” It reminds me of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers: “I demand 5 MILLION dollerrs!!”

    And yes, now the activities of al Qaeda have definitely turned to Iraq and the war has become indistinguishable in the literal sense, but I do not suggest that there was necessarily a particularly direct link between them before the invasion of Iraq – that is not what I mean by the “same war.” I mean that the greater war on terror has always encapsulated both al Qaeda and Iraq, even if there was no connection whatsoever before the war.

  • just looking at those “rewards” the voice claims al-qaida will pay, either they are being wholly overoptimistic about just how many people are willing to kill for them on the offchance that the offer will be honoured, or their cash reserves are beginning to run low.

  • Shark

    RJ: “How is Osama gonna get that gold to the murderers? Through middle-men?”

    Maybe his family can borrow another private jet from George W. Bush like they did after 9/11.

    GWB: “Hell, go jet around the world, bin Ladens, it’s on me!”

  • ND:

    So, no war in Afghanistan? Is that what you’re saying?

  • Sean

    More proof there is no god:


    I knew the BBC couldn’t be trusted.
    Best riff of all time Sweet Child O’ Mine? Does that song even contain a proper riff? And not a single Stones tune? The best riff of all time is Can’t You Hear me Knocking, followed closely by Brown Sugar. End of discussion. Can I get an amen?

  • Sean

    Yeah, Natalie, pray — pray really hard. That ought to work. You have the luxury of prayer because others have given their lives fighting. Bombs beat the Nazis, nor prayers.

    Have you ever considered that we live in a world where three year olds get brain tumors but god’s gonna listen to YOUR prayers? When is humankind going to grow up?

  • I oppose all war. What would I have done? First of all, I would never be something so horrid as president — I don’t even believe in countries and patriotism. I would do what I always do: Pray for peace. After Jesus was beaten and broken and nailed to a cross, did he call for war or retaliation? No, he asked the Creator to forgive. And that is what I, as global citizen or hypothetical president, must do. Diplomacy is the the only method; working for peace is the only way. And taking up arms and becoming a terrorist, a la the Shrub, is nothing less than evil.

  • ND:

    I know you opposed the war in Iraq, and that your religion forbids you from supporting war in general. So…did you oppose the war in Afghanistan as well?

    If so, what would President ND have done after 9/11 re: Osama and his terrorist network?

  • How is Osama gonna get that gold to the murderers? Through middle-men? Do they have to locate his cave in order to collect? Western Union?

  • Neither is that evil mine.

  • mike

    It’s not my fucking war.

  • “for reminding us that this IS the same war”

    In all fairness – It is NOW the same war. Debatable whether it was before in any direct sense.

  • boomcrashbaby

    Unless I got some inaccurate news, I didn’t hear Bush issue an apology.

    Bush told Jordan’s King Abdullah II: “I was sorry for the humiliation suffered by the Iraqi prisoners and the humiliation suffered by their families.

    “I told him I was as equally sorry that people seeing those pictures didn’t understand the true nature and heart of America,” Bush said, standing in the Rose Garden alongside Abdullah.

    If you look at the second paragraph where he says he’s equally sorry that people seeing those pictures don’t understand….he’s not apologizing for those people of course, but he is expressing sorrow at their interpretation. Hence in the first paragraph, I read it as him expressing sorrow but not extending an apology. Else he would say, I am sorry, not I was sorry.

    Nitpicking with words, maybe, but he is Commander in Chief, not a bagboy who might have crumpled some bread. Just my perspective on, his comments.

    Though it was an acknowledgement of humiliation going on and not torture, I think it’s the most we’ll get out of Bush.

  • Andrew

    Very well stated, Eric. It takes a certain amount of courage, or at least moral fortitude, to say some of those things on this site.