PBS Primetime Programming for the Week of February 17

I think it's important to face the facts – I might not get a walk-on role in the next James Bond movie. As much as I want one, as much as I deserve one, I may not get one. I hope that Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli hear of my request at the very least however. I think I could garner a Quantum of Solace from that.

 
Sunday, February 17:

8:00 – 9:00PM

Nature – “Arctic Bears”. I hope that they have armor and are helping out the Magistrate. Through extensive reading and film-watching I've learned that bears in the Arctic do as much. They also can speak and are really cool about people riding on their backs.

9:00 – 11:00PM

Masterpiece Theatre – "The Complete Jane Austen". Holy macaroni! They're going to show pretty much every Jane Austen work they can get their hands on. That's actually why they call it "The Complete Jane Austen," they're going to show all of it. Up this week, "Pride and Prejudice (Part Two)."

 
Monday, February 18:

8:00 – 9:00PM

Antiques Roadshow – "San Antonio (Hour One)". Ah, Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas. Is it better in Texas though? Is it older in Texas? Has It been kept in better condition in Texas? My understanding is that it's pretty dry in Texas; maybe that has helped preserve the various items that the antiquers bring in.

9:00 – 10:30PM

American Experience – "Kit Carson". Though illiterate, Kit Carson was fluent in Spanish and five different Native American languages. He was twice-married to Native American women and had many a tale told about him. Were they true? Were they false? Were they somewhere in between?

10:30 – 11:00PM

PBS Previews – "Carrier". PBS isn't going to show you Carrier, they're just going to show you a preview of it (it airs at the end of April and beginning of May). They're going to tantalize you. They're going to intrigue you. They're going to tell you about some of the people on the USS Nimitz.

 
Tuesday, February 19:

8:00 – 9:00PM

Nova – "Ape Genius". I hope they mean Grape Ape. He's certainly an ape, and, in my mind, a genius. Seriously. He goes around telling everyone exactly who he is, and consequently is terribly well known. It's just genius. I think it's a far better strategy than the ape named Ape. He can go around talking about how he's Ape and people will just think he's an ape. Poor planning, Ape, poor planning.

9:00 – 10:00PM

Frontline – "Rules of Engagement". This week, Frontline examines the truth behind the deaths of 24 residents of Haditha, Iraq, who were killed by U.S. forces. The Haditha deaths have led to a huge criminal case against U.S. troops in Iraq. But what really happened?

10:00 – 11:00PM

Independent Lens – "Banished". Three counties banished African-Americans 100 years ago. Now some of the descendants of those families come back and learn what, precisely, went down.

 
Wednesday, February 20:

8:00 – 9:00PM

America's Ballroom Challenge – “International Latin”. Some of the finest dancers in North America gather at the Columbus convention center in Ohio to dance their hearts out. Up this week, the International Latin division. Now, when I took Latin we had to learn nonsense like "The gladiators will smite the Christians in the arena this weekend, hail Caesar!" I hope this is better than that.

9:00PM – 11:30PM

Great Performances – "Company". Raúl Esparza stars as Bobby in this televised Broadway production of the Sondheim musical. I don't want to spoil what happens in the musical for you, but there's no mincemeat pies made out of the bodies of the poor folks that went to get a shave and a haircut.

 
Thursday, February 21:

8:00 – 9:00PM

The This Old House Hour – Episode TBA. It’s This Old House and Ask This Old House. It’s like maintenance… for your home. Wait, no, that’s exactly what it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not awesome though. Seriously, The This Old House Hour is one of the finest home improvement hours on PBS. No joke.

9:00 – 10:00PM

Antiques Roadshow – "San Antonio (Hour One)". Ah, Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas. Is it better in Texas though? Is it older in Texas? Has It been kept in better condition in Texas? My understanding is that it's pretty dry in Texas, maybe that has helped preserve the various items that the antiquers bring in.

10:00 – 11:00PM

Soundstage – "Dan Fogelberg". Last week it was John Fogerty. This week it's Dan Fogelberg. Who's next, Andy Fogelstein? Ah, Andy Fogelstein, I remember him. He was good friends with Henry Jones, they guy you have to save the bones for (he don't eat no meat). I have a funny story about Henry Jones and Andy Fogelstein, but this is really supposed to be about Dan Fogelberg, so I'll skip it.

 
Friday, February 22:

8:00 – 8:30PM

Washington Week with Gwen Ifill and National Journal #4734. Another whole week has gone by and good old Gwen Ifill and National Journal are here to fill us in. For the record, I like to pretend the National Journal is a sidekick, like Robin to Batman, Starsky to Hutch, or chocolate sauce to chocolate ice cream.

8:30 – 9:00PM

NOW on PBS #408. It’s the Emmy award-winning weekly newsmagazine. It looks at issues facing our democracy. The show is hosted by David Brancaccio. And, even better, they still send me e-mails (I think that makes me cool and them nice). Thanks, Now, you guys are awesome!

9:00 – 10:00PM

Bill Moyers Journal #1146. It’s Bill Moyers. It’s his 1,146th journal (not really, but I’m not going to explain to you the way in which TV shows are numbered at this point in time, maybe later if you’re nice). He’s a good journalist so I assume this will be good journalism (at least the odds are it will).

10:00PM – 11:00PM

In Search of Shakespeare – "The Duty of Poets". I think the duty of poets to be eliminated from the Republic. I'd eliminate them from my Republic. Aristotle eliminated them from his Republic. I doubt Shakespeare would eliminate them from his Republic though. After all, he was a poet.

 
Saturday, February 23:

9:00 – 10:00PM

Austin City Limits – "Tribute to Bluesman Jimmy Reed". Jimmie Vaughan and company pay tribute to Jimmy Reed, who was a composer of blues songs. Maybe it'll even have Jimmie Someone too, and Jimmy Even. That way it'll cover its Jimmy base.

 

I think that the above is a pretty accurate statement. If Barbara Broccoli or Michael G. Wilson shot me an e-mail explaining why I wasn't going to get a walk-on role in Quantum of Solace I could accept it far better. Really I could. Think about it, that would mean that Michael G. Wilson or Barbara Broccoli had heard of me. That would be awesome.