Oh, Deere! Man Charged Over Lawn Mower Shooting

Keith Walendowski was charged after Milwaukee law enforcement responded to a call about a man shooting his lawn mower. Angry that his mower wouldn't start Wednesday morning, Walendowski told police, “I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want." He has been charged with felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun or rifle and misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed.

I’m not a fan of guns, much less the sawed-off shotgun; and yes, I readily acknowledge the man broke the law, but c’mon. Violently doing away with inoperable outdoor equipment is surely what our forefathers had in mind when they wrote the second amendment. Most of us wish to live in a free state. What greater American imprisonment is there than being caught in the throes of a life like Walendowski’s – and then not being able to just mow the damned lawn?

A lawn mower that won’t start after a life like the one Walendowski has obviously lived ranks right up there with not being able to find your left shoe right before the only job interview you’ve been able to secure in over a month while the collection agencies breathe down your neck and the bankin’ man whistles as he posts a notice of foreclosure on the front door.

Walendowski shot his mower, not a person; and he shot it on a Wednesday morning – not a Sunday morning or a Saturday night. There are considerably more wicked folk in this world who not only possess firearms, but who also use them against people who mow their lawns at indecent hours.

At all of 56 years of age (yes, youngsters, 56 is still young to everyone over the age of 35), the man has clearly had a difficult life. The time of day of the offense and his mug shot indicate a man who is either unemployed or has just come off of a night shift. Something is most awry with his grooming, and if he has any dental insurance, it’s sorely lacking. One’s lips don’t cave in like that by themselves no matter how old you are. There but for the grace of God and all that, yes?

Any criminal record that might be attributed to Walendowski is insignificant and dated. Clearly he does not present a history of being a threat to himself or other lawn mowers. I implore the authorities: put him out to pasture. Maybe make sure that pasture is greener, and on the other side of the fence.

The most curious part of the story is the woman who lives with Walendowski. She is the one who reported the incident. While I personally would never have taken up residence with Walendowski in the first place, I don’t know that I would’ve called the police on my in-house indigent. I might instead have been in need of an ambulance myself. Laughing that hard can make it difficult to breathe.