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DVD Review: Legally Blondes

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Oh, the horrors of direct-to-video sequels…

In the grand tradition of American Pie Presents Band Camp, Hollow Man 2, and Road House 2 comes another direct-to-video wonder: the brain-dead, tween-oriented yawner Legally Blondes. With a budget that wouldn’t even buy William Shatner a one-way airline ticket to Bulgaria from Priceline.com, Legally Blondes brings us the tale of twin sisters Izzy and Annie Woods (played by real-life twins Rebecca and Camilla Rosso, respectively), the nieces of the original Legally Blonde, Elle Woods (played by Reese Witherspoon in the first two films). Moving to the U.S. to attend an elite prep school while their father (a wisely uncredited Christopher Cousins) takes a job as professor, the bubbly blonde Woods sisters start turning the heads of their new classmates — in particular the spoiled, evil, upper-class bitch Tiffany (Brittany Curran). What follows is a below-average teenybopper flick wherein the “have-not” kids (e.g. kids on scholarships, such as the "ethnic folk") turn the tables on the George W. Bush “have-more” kids.

Blah. Well, at least Reese Witherspoon doesn’t appear in it… although her name is listed in the credits as producer. Damn her all to Hell.

It is positively shocking to think that the director behind this mess is none other than Savage Steve Holland, the cult auteur who brought us two of the finest '80s films ever, Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer (my God, Savage Steve — what happened?). It’s even more shocking to note that Legally Blondes adult co-star Curtis Armstrong (most memorable for having played “Booger” from the Revenge Of The Nerds films as well as being in both of Holland‘s masterpieces) has been in far worse and even cheaper productions than this (such as the last couple of Revenge Of The Nerds films).

Legally Blondes is presented on DVD from Fox Home Entertainment (shame, Fox, shame!) in an anamorphic 1.78:1 widescreen transfer with 5.1 Dolby Digital sound. As I received a screening copy of the DVD, I cannot give you a fair grading on the audio/video levels of the main feature. Optional English subtitles are included with this release. Special features consist of several featurettes (“Thinking Pink,” “Double Trouble,” and “Fashion Frenzy”); an interactive “yearbook” with bios and whatnot; and several trailers for other Fox kiddie/tween-oriented titles.

There really isn’t much one can say about a film that was made for the home video market and subsequently was slashed below the ½ price mark at retail outfits within days of its release. Legally Blondes is definitely a cheaply made movie (note the “craftsmanship” on the school chairs, exposing the underside of the particle board beneath the fresh coat of lacquer; the soundtrack that wouldn‘t even cut it in a Bratz video game; the Disney Channel actors, etc.) — but, on the plus side, it’s pretty innocent fare for the pre-teen crowd it’s aimed at (so I guess the filmmakers win on that end).

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About Luigi Bastardo

Luigi Bastardo is the disgruntled alter-ego of a thirtysomething lad from Northern California who has watched so many weird movies since the tender age of 3 that a conventional life is out of the question. He currently lives in Chico, CA with four cats named Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Margaret. Seriously.