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A Helping Hand: Moving and Missing Old Friends, School

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My mom and me moved and I had to switch schools. I really miss my old one and I miss my old friends so much. I know some new kids at this school but I don’t connect with them. They already have their real friends. Two kids I met might like me, but I don’t know. My dad said I could move in with him, but my whole family lives here. No one lives by my dad. I would miss my mom and my family. I don’t want to move again, but maybe that would help. What should I do?

I know it's hard to be moved away from one place to another and I know it’s hard when you miss your friends. It can be uncomfortable trying to make new friends and it seems like it takes so long.

The advantage you have over those who have never moved is your experiences, to include your old school and your old friends. Those you're meeting now may know nothing about the place you came from and it may even seem a bit exotic and special to them — that you've traveled, moved and have experiences different from theirs.

If you're keeping in touch with your old friends (mail, email or phone calls), you'll be able to tell them about your new home. You can tell them about things and people you do like and even the things and people you don't like.

Best of all, what you say to your old friends won’t get back to those in your new place. You can tell your old friends about a cute guy you like and there’s no chance he’ll find out. You can even talk to your old friends about the snotty girl in your new school who dresses funny, and snotty girl will never know.

Living near family is a good thing. In the long run it will help with your adjustment. It may not be what you prefer, but being around family when you're trying to adjust beats trying to adjust when there's absolutely no one else around that you know.

Remember back to when you first met your old friends. They weren't "real friends" yet and still you found a way to connect with them. This tells you that you have the ability to do this – again.

Instead of moving all over again as a way to deal with having moved in the first place, use the skills you learned from the old place to get to know this new place. If you move once more now, the whole process will start all over again.

I know you want the hurt and frustration to go away, and I know you want to move back to where you were so you won't feel that way anymore. That's not an option, and moving again right now will just make you feel worse.

Give those two friends who might like you a chance. Even if they aren't "real," they might know others who would become your real friends.

In the adult world, we call this "networking": joining school clubs or going to school dances or school games, going to a sleepover or party, or even just walking home or having lunch with someone new — these are all ways to meet other kids and eventually find that special someone you can call friend and who will call you friend.

Everything will work out, and when it does (because it will), be sure and post again about how things worked out. Other kids who have had to move could use your experience to help them through their tough time, too.

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About Diana Hartman

Diana is a USMC (ret.) spouse, mother of three and a Wichita, Kansas native. She is back in the United States after 10 years in Germany. She is a contributing author to Holiday Writes. She hates liver & motivational speakers. She loves science & naps.