What’s So Wrong With Being A Puss?

I think I must be on the verge of pussing out on life. Back in the day I would have been all over this controversy with lots of vitriol to back up my uneducated opinion. Now what I am left with is confusion.

I am about to embark on a life long journey (in four and a half weeks and counting) of raising a SON. Of all the luck!!!

So what will I do to make my son a man? I don’t want a wuss, puss, metrosexual or anything resembling unmanly behavior. But gee, I don’t want a misogynistic, aggressive, womanizing, anger-filled, sexist, violent Neanderthal either.

I consider my husband pretty damn manly from where I sit (I do a lot of sitting these days). He knows about sports, he’s strong and in shape, does not think that women are genetically inferior just because they are women, is a great father, believes in being chivalrous (most of the time), isn’t overtly concerned with fashion and never primps – he even has a pretty manly smell and NEVER wears cologne. He is in essence a manly man.

BUT, he also hates guns, killing animals for sport, enjoys taking baths, is fairly vain and concerned about his personal hygiene and appearance and thinks babies are really cute. He dotes on his daughters and does stuff for his mom.

Eric is pretty mild with one EXCEPTION: his very volatile and repressed temper. This is not a man you want to anger as I have seen him in full on testosterone mode and your best bet is to take cover. It happens with the same frequency as a full solar eclipse in our hemisphere, but you can count on someone getting a smackdown – HARD.

So with this dichotomy of traits: half hypermale and the other half really mild mannered which one are we supposed to encourage?

My stepson is a manly kid – he still looks like a kid, but he isn’t a puss. He digs girls, likes sports and rock music, thinks sports cars are cool, works out with his dad attempting to pump up his teen physique and has scary hair.

He also has a lot of respect for women – never curses (not in front of us anyway) is modest, is pretty studious, well-liked by almost everyone (including teachers and especially girls) and is nice to little kids. He does IN FACT wear cologne, but when you mix that with a nice White Zombie T-shirt it balances out the “fruity” factor.

So are the male role models that my future son will have in life “pusses,” or are they just the right mix?

According to Kim, guns, leering at co-workers (like that has ever ceased), randomly hitting strangers for leering at women, and killing woodland critters for the joy of watching something die – NOW THAT’S SOME MANLY SHIT!!! Woo hoo sign me up for that (although I am all for, 100% behind and advocate killing criminals – I just prefer the sneak attack from around the corner as I smash their skull in with a metal bat. If you are going to kill someone or something, use some strength you fucking pussy). In Kim’s words:

“We’re sick of being made figures of fun and ridicule; we’re sick of having girly-men like journalists, advertising agency execs and movie stars decide on “what is a man”; we’re sick of women treating us like children, and we’re really fucking sick of girly-men politicians who pander to women by passing an ever-increasing raft of Nanny laws and regulations (the legal equivalent of public-school Ritalin), which prevent us from hunting, racing our cars and motorcycles, smoking, flirting with women at the office, getting into fistfights over women, shooting criminals and doing all the fine things which being a man entails.”

Look, I don’t want to jump on the bandwagon and beat up Kim, or have his wife come over and kick my ass – a skill she possess with great acumen. I just don’t think encouraging a basic sense of human decency is really pussifying anyone.

Perhaps we wouldn’t need so many guns if we could teach people to control themselves and their violent tendencies – those people being primarily men. Teaching men to curtail their sexual impulses is also NOT a bad thing.

Rape, murder and cruelty have been going on since the dawn of man. Well before TV, commercials, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy (that show bothers me too) or Cheerios ads.

Just like I don’t want my daughter to embody EVER SINGLE estrogen laden fantasy of girlishness – ICK!!! – I sure don’t want my son to act like a drooling, club-carrying, raping, philandering caveman either.

Each gender has something wonderful to offer to the other: women bring nurturing, tenderness and value for life to the mix, while men can offer strength, resolve and self-preservation. If you combine those things, plus many of the positive qualities of being a basic human being I think you have a normal balanced person who can rise above gender biases, yet embrace what makes us inherently different. And “different” between the sexes is a good thing. Unless you are gay, and that’s a whole other thing. Not that there is anything wrong with that. RIGHT? Right!

Okay, so my last issue is – do I circumcise my little man or let his wang dang doodle be free?

Discuss amongst yourselves.