Wednesday , October 27 2021

“They, like, don’t know anything”

Though the subject matter is deadly serious, this just cracks me up:

    As undercover assignments go, posing as a teenage girl online to catch pedophiles has its share of challenges for the typical FBI agent.

    Should he ever capitalize words in instant messages?

    Is it okay to say you buy your clothes at 5-7-9?

    And what about Justin Timberlake? Is he still hot or is he so two years ago?

    For those investigative details, the FBI calls on Karen, Mary and Kristin — Howard County eighth-graders and best friends.

    ….”They, like, don’t know anything,” said Mary, 14, giggling.

    “They’re, like, do you like Michael Jackson?” said Karen, 14, rolling her eyes at just how out of it adults can be.

    Probably the youngest instructors ever in an FBI classroom, the girls have become an invaluable help to Operation Innocent Images — an initiative that tries to stop people from peddling child pornography or otherwise sexually exploiting children, FBI officials said.

    ….Yesterday, at their middle school graduation ceremony, the girls each received a silver-framed letter of commendation signed by FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III. In the letter, Mueller thanked them for developing the lessons that have directly helped catch pedophiles, despite their “busy 8th grade schedule.” [Washington Post]

Credit the buteau for recognizing they needed the help.

    Agents estimate that at any given time, 20,000 pedophiles are online worldwide, trolling chat rooms after school hours for vulnerable teenagers. About two dozen agents and analysts handle such cases in the Baltimore and Washington region, working from computer cubicles in a Calverton office building. The program has led to the convictions of about 2,200 people across the country for swapping child pornography or arranging to meet minors for sex.

    ….One agent kept insisting that he was right when he answered on a quiz that Justin Timberlake was more popular than Destiny’s Child. Another was miffed when the girls told the class that Led Zeppelin was just not cool. Some kept wondering why “l2m” in instant messaging couldn’t be “love to meet,” instead of “listen to music.”

    And the younger female FBI agents assumed that teenage girls would think actor George Clooney is cute.

    “We’re, like, no,” said Mary, making a face.

    “He’s, like, 50,” Karen exclaimed.

Might as well be dead.

    After the ceremony, several parents talked excitedly about finally finding out what “pos” meant.

    Karen shot Mary a worried look: “Our classmates are going to kill us.”

This reminds me of Charlie’s Angels for some reason.

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About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: [email protected]amhaunted,, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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