The Killers of Hell’s Kitchen

What in the name of all that is good and holy are those women on Hell's Kitchen thinking?

No, seriously, it's time for a good old fashioned rant…

Last night, three of the women — yes, three of them — tried to serve food that may actually have made people ill had it gotten out of the kitchen. It was almost enough to make me worry about going out to eat. So many of the people on the show are actual chefs at restaurants. Are the people that cook in restaurants really more concerned about getting food out fast than not making their customers ill?

First on the list last night you have Joanna, who wanted to serve rancid crab. She claims never to have smelled the crab so, the claim goes, she didn't know that it was bad. She did however, as the cameras pointed out, taste it, so she should have had some idea. Good old Gordon Ramsay, however, was on his game — he smelled it and tore Joanna, deservedly, a new one.

Next up, Bonnie. It was Bonnie's job to cook the scallops. Upon being called to the pass by Ramsay, Bonnie, in her inimitably blond fashion, queried Ramsay about what was wrong, quickly following the first question with one about whether the scallops were raw. Now, a smarter person who was trying to pass off raw fish as being cooked wouldn't immediately jump to "is the fish raw" — they'd allow the person judging them to state the problem up front. The issue could have been any number of things, and she, by jumping the gun, made it clear she knew exactly what she did. Dumb. Just dumb.

Lastly, there was Jen. Jen, thinking that they were done with the spaghetti for the night, tossed it. Sadly, they weren't. She was made aware of her error and then went to the garbage to get the spaghetti back. Her claim? Well, it was on the top of the garbage and I only took some of it. Now, a couple of things immediately spring to mind. Additionally, she argued, she was going to cook it again, which would have killed any and all germs. First, as George Costanza learned: adjacent to refuse is refuse. Then, and this only struck me later, but that better have been a different garbage can than the one that the rancid crab ended up in. I believe it was, but wouldn't swear to it.

The insanity continued later, though in a less directly dangerous to customers way, as the women were assigned to choose two of their own for nomination. Obvious to everyone was Joanna. Her wanting to serve the rancid crab was the most insane of all the problems. Melissa, in a move that certainly felt weird, led the charge for Joanna to be nominated and then wanted to add Julia to the list instead of Bonnie or Jen. Julia, Melissa argued, didn't know as much as the other chefs.

Personally, I couldn't help but look at her pushing these nominations as her pushing the nominations of the two African-American women on their team. Julia had saved the day during the challenge earlier in the episode, running both the women's and the men's kitchens. Melissa had two other teammates who could have made customers ill that she could have nominated, but she went for Julia instead. Despite whatever she argued, it wasn't a matter of Julia knowing less, as Melissa argued, or even that she is an exceptionally strong competitor and Melissa wanted to eliminate Julia for that reason (she's really a pretty poor competitor and I would be shocked if she won). There was something else at work in Melissa's decision-making process.

The whole thing is oh-so-incredibly disturbing. Seriously, is this what happens in restaurants all the time? Because, if so, I’m going on a serious diet.