The Celebrity Apprentice Finale

Today we're talking about The Celebrity Apprentice. I can't imagine that if you're at all interested in the show you don't already know who won, but we are going to discuss it below, so if you don't want to know, don't read this. If you continue reading and don't want to know you'll have only yourself to blame. Seriously, you're going to feel awfully foolish if you don't want to know who won but keep reading. It's a mistake, and I beg you to stop.

You know why else you might feel foolish? You might feel foolish if you actually thought Trace Adkins was going to win. The poor guy didn't stand a chance. He may be a better human being than Piers Morgan (who did win), but he wasn't better at the competition. I know, you wanted him to be better at it. He seems like such a nice guy that you were sure he'd be better at it. Yet that wasn't the case.

In fact, the only serious argument for voting for Trace was to vote against Piers. He rubbed people the wrong way. I'm sure he'd be the first to admit as much, too. But, as he wisely pointed out — who cares? He raised the most money and he consistently won at tasks (whether they were Rolodex-based ones or not). Sure, he didn't make friends, but that wasn't the point of the contest. I'm sure that if the whole thing had been called the Make a Friend Celebrity Apprentice he would have done things differently.

Plus, how did anyone out there think that Trump, who at the very least poses as a ruthless businessman, was going to fire Piers for getting the job done in a gruff manner? There was no way that could happen. Trump is all about the money and not about the friends. To have selected Trace, who was all about the friends with money coming in second, would have been to disavow not just the contest, but his entire life. You didn't really think he was going to do that, did you?

Sadly, that was never, ever, going to happen.

Personally, I don't want to see nice guys finish last, but they ought not finish first just because they're nice; there needs to be more to it than that. Plus, before you go thinking that the nice guy did finish last, let me remind you that Tiffany Fallon finished last, the nice guy came in second. It was a respectable showing for the nice guy. He put in a solid effort, but didn't perform as well as the man who won.

Before I go, let me just put forward that perhaps – just perhaps – last night the old adage held true: first was the worst, second was the best, and third was Carol Alt.