Saturday , September 26 2020

Reddest Letter Day

I’m still kind of groggy and disoriented myself, but this is the reddest of red letter days, and one I will never forget. My wife and new son, Alexander Kirk Olsen, came home from the hospital – both are sleepy but very fit and healthy – AND the US forces captured the rodential former Supreme Baby Raper of Iraq as he cowered in his pit in the dirt.

We were disappointed yesterday that we couldn’t take Dawn and Alex home but very excited about getting them this morning, so none of us had turned on the TV or looked at the paper when Dawn called this morning:

“Have you heard the news?”

“There’s good rocking tonight? Alex took his first step?”

“No, smartass, they captured Saddam – now come and get us!”

“Wow – that’s great, on both counts.”

The shots of the bearded, wild-haired Saddam getting inspected for vermin – a beautiful metaphor – looking like the Unabomber on a bad-hair day, was so sweet I could taste it. Here’s your supreme leader, Baathist fuckplugs.

He didn’t take down the West, he didn’t repel the Great Satan invaders, he didn’t rise to rule again, he scurried from hole to hole nibbling hard cheese and shitting in the corner for nine months before being snagged, tagged and inspected. Nice blaze of glory, oh great scourge, you whimpering, despicable coward.

This closes the door on the former regime once and for all – it won’t come back, can’t come back, the new Iraq is now inevitable. This is a great day in my life, and a day to savor for every American, Iraqi, and lover of freedom the world over. We are one step closer to peace on earth – cynics, give it a rest today.

About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: [email protected], Facebook.com/amhaunted, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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