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Oil Ticks Ban Barbie

We pretty much all know that Saudi Arabia is a smug powder keg waiting to explode under the corrupt, venal, hypocritical, terrorist-breeding, terrorist-appeasing, misogynistic autocratic rule of Prince Asshole and his 999 Wahhabi Thieves. Thank God (Allah has nothing to do with it) we are pulling our military out of the Kingdom of False Friends, the shithole in the desert.

In a key demonstration of their ineffectual shocking retardation and mummery, last week the Saudi religious police banned Barbie:

    The Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, as the religious police are officially known, lists the dolls on a section of its Web site devoted to items deemed offensive to the conservative Saudi interpretation of Islam.

    “Jewish Barbie dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories and tools are a symbol of decadence to the perverted West. Let us beware of her dangers and be careful,” said a poster on the site.

    The poster, plastered with pictures of Barbie in short dresses and tight pants, and with a few of her accessories, reads: “A strange request. A little girl asks her mother: Mother, I want jeans, a low-cut shirt, and a swimsuit like Barbie.”

    Such posters are distributed to schools and hung in the streets by the religious police, or muttawa, an independent body affiliated with the office of the Prime Minister. [AP]

“Office of the prime minister”: this is the goddamned Saudi government oozing such blatantly anti-Semitic, nonsensical twaddle. How did the uber-WASPish Barbie become “Jewish”? Rumor has it that Barbie is the illegitimate granddaughter of an Elder of Zion.

    An exhibition of all the violating items is found in the holy city of Medina, and mobile tours go around to schools and other public areas in the kingdom.

    The muttawa act as a monitoring and punishing agency, propagating conservative Islamic beliefs according to the teachings of the puritan Wahhabi sect, adhered to the kingdom since the 18th century, and enforcing strict moral code.

    The muttawa patrol the streets of the kingdom, preventing men from mingling with women, enforcing strict Islamic dress for women, chasing worshippers late for prayers, and punishing shop keepers who stay open during prayer hours. They sometimes work with a police officer who can enforce legal punishments on people deemed violators.

I think the Voice of America or Mattel or the CIA or someone should airdrop thousands of Secret Agent Barbies down on the Tragic Kingdom and have them seduce the ticks into submission.

Bill Maher has some sharp words on the matter:

    Displaying the same keen acumen that has enabled them to crack down on homegrown terrorists, Saudi Arabian police declared America’s favorite doll “Jewish” and “offensive to Islam.”

    ….The truth is, the Saudis and the terrorists who extort their support at our expense, are all about the purity of the seventh century until it suits their needs. If the West is so tainted, why don’t you stop using our technology?

    This week Osama bin Laden put out a new videotape. Guess who invented videotape? Not anybody named Abu. Same goes for satellite phones, computers, SUVs, and everything else the terrorists use to hatch their evil plans — they were all invented by the infidels. Their last new idea was something about stonings at night, when it’s cooler. I don’t know where Osama’s hiding, but I do know one place he’s never been — the patent office. So don’t claim you’re rejecting the West when you’re using our technology. Go back to homing pigeons and camels, and those big curved swords. Because if there’s anything more annoying than an evildoer, it’s a hypocritical evildoer. [Salon]

That about sums up the last 700 years of Islam – you all remember 700 years ago, back when Islam was on top and “tolerant” and had a brain and stuff. The Islam of 700 years ago would not have found Barbie a threat, but all cultures have their ups and downs – surely the Islamic upturn is just a jihad away.

About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: [email protected], Facebook.com/amhaunted, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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