Saturday , May 25 2024

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

While we’re on desperately contentious, explosively emotional topics, why not mention abortion: everyone’s favorite party-killer. My wife Dawn, who does not back away from fulminating volcanoes, is tackling the subject again:

    Seriously. I am as hawkish and fiscally conservative as the next right-winger, but good G*ddamn, these Christian Coalition fruitcakes won’t get the hint. I do not now, or ever in the future, feel that ANYONE, other than me, myself and fucking I, have the right to decide what goes on in my uterus.

    I am not an abortion nazi, I don’t want to go around indiscriminately performing them on perfectly happy pregnant people, but JEEBUS, why is it Their Fight? Their Cause? Their War?
    Babies are dying all over the globe due to malnutrition, mistreatment, poor genetics, GOD’s Will even. Why are they ONLY interested in what’s going on in my womb, YOUR womb, her womb? WHY? I have never, ever, ever heard a good argument for this cause.

Which of course led to much gnashing of teeth and moralistic bombast. She replied with some of her best writing:

    I posted about the uproar the “religious right” have over the Planned Parenthood of America’s recent Pro-Choice campaign. Many thoughtful comments from lots of dudes. Who knew men were so interested in pregnancy and babies and crap. Geez. It’s really shocking to me that there are JUST SO MANY MATERNAL MEN WHO CAN’T WAIT TO GET THEIR HANDS ON BABIES.

    Not just their own. But all those little eggs hanging out in every ovary across the globe. Little potential lives that men, who are most certainly wonderful, caring, responsible, thoughtful, considerate and NEVER judgmental – want to care for.

    Hmm…..why is it then, that almost all the unfortunate women I know, who have been in the sad predicament of chosing between having a baby and not having a baby, were LEFT COMPLETELY ALONE to make that decision. Where were these Oh, So, Considerate, Progressive men?

    KNOW OF ONE MAN and ONE MAN ONLY who has taken that responsibility on himself [not me, by the way – I’m lumped in with all the other scum]. All alone. Go read about it men. Cause he is a real man, taking real responsibilities. That means: no fucking everything that moves, spending your money on beer, whore, strippers, drugs, golf clubs, football games, ANYTHING other than your child. It means sacrificing your time, your very life for that child’s well-being.

    It means getting up in the middle of the night and having your child, burning up with fever, throw up on you over and over again, then you get to lay there with them and hold them til they sleep. Then, without thinking about how tired or sick you feel, get your ass to work the next day just so you can afford to take that child to the doctor.

    ….No offense to the above mentioned dudes, but really, I think the point is this: no one is PRO-ABORTION, merely Pro-Choice. My pointed statements are spoken as someone who has come full circle. Of course I love my daughter, I love ALL children. That’s why I am Pro-Choice.

Ultimately, after all of the emotional blather and hand-wringing it just comes down to the concept that within certain limits (other than severe medical reasons, I can’t think of a good excuse to abort after the first trimester) it is ultimately NO ONE ELSE’S BUSINESS what a woman decides is best for herself and her body. Yes, the father’s wishes should count for something; yes, the state has legitimate concerns regarding viability; yes, other options should always be seriously considered; no, abortion shouldn’t be used for birth control; yes, everyone has a right to hold and express their own opinion.

But after all of these matters have been accounted for, it is time for the world to mind its own business and respect the decision of the individual woman whose body many treat as nothing more than a tug of war rope. Whoever you may be, ultimately it comes down to this: it isn’t your body, state your piece then get the hell out of the way.

About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: Twitter@amhaunted,, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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