Tuesday , February 27 2024
Satire alert: Reporter loses track of faction and fiction.

Judith Miller Tells the REAL STORY

By Scott “Scoop” Butki

New York Times reporter Judith Miller is in jail not because she won’t reveal her sources but because she herself is the source, officials close to the reporter have revealed to this writer under Double Secret Special Source Status.

The problem, sources close to Miller say, is that after helping lead America to war by reporting without verification the fictional claims of Bush administration officials about Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Miller became confused between fact and fiction.

Or as one anonymous source told us: “She never had the best nose for BS in the first place. But then she got a bloody nose and then congestion from allergies and her lie-detector stopped working.”

Novak, er, the source, said Miller called him on the condition that he not tell anyone what happened. “For some reason she trusted me! Ha! What was she thinking?”

Miller, reached by phone at her jail cell, said she was writing a letter to complain about the sexist, pointless, inane piece reviewing her appearance and wondered if a similar story will be done if male journalists are sent to jail.

Miller admitted that working with Karl Rove to leak Valerie Plame’s name to Time’s Matthew Cooper, columnist Robert “My credibility disappeared before my hair did” Novak and others was probably a mistake.

“But now do you see why I couldn’t write a story for The New York Times about the Plame leak? I’d have to source myself in my own story and even Jayson Blair didn’t sink that low,” Miller said.

Miller spoke like she writes, sprinking “sources said” into almost every sentence.

Asked how anyone can take her seriously or give her any credibility at this point, Miller paused.

Asked to comment on Tom Cruise’s claims that he is the leaker, Miller replied, “Sources say Cruise took that step because Rove asked him to. Of course, Rove will deny that. And it’s true – Rove never leaks things directly. He-”

She stopped suddenly, whispered, “I’ve said too much, sources say,” and hung up.

About Scott Butki

Scott Butki was a newspaper reporter for more than 10 years before making a career change into education... then into special education. He has been working in mental health for the last ten years. He lives in Austin. He reads at least 50 books a year and has about 15 author interviews each year and, yes, unlike tv hosts he actually reads each one. He is an in-house media critic, a recovering Tetris addict and a proud uncle. He has written articles on practically all topics from zoos to apples and almost everything in between.

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