I had the opportunity to interview Mario P. Cloutier and Diane Sawaya Cloutier, co-authors of ReLovenship™ ─ Look Within to Love Again. Their inspirational new book helps readers rise from the ashes of a failed relationship and attract a compatible lifelong partner. The Cloutiers are relationship coaches whose real-life quests for soul mates led them to their own happily-ever-after story, and they soon became trusted and go-to advisors for many. ReLovenship takes readers step-by-step through a self-assessment process that define stheir personal values and priorities, and enables them to move beyond painful patterns of the past to fulfilling, loving futures.
What are the traps people fall into that keep them from finding their soul mate?
Very few people take the time to truly look at themselves to understand who they really are before jumping into a new relationship. Some may fear being alone. Others may fall into the trap of wanting to please others at any cost, even to the extent of camouflaging their true selves. Or they fall into a trap of denial, where they ignore the red flags and bury that inner voice screaming “Beware!”
Describe what your term “ReLovenship™” means.
We coined the term to refer to three ideas. It means the ability to re-love oneself first, before finding love again; then being able to “intention” one’s way to love again through enhanced self-awareness; and finally, arriving at a state of introspection that leads to a “no compromises, no settlements” mindset for blissful companionship.
What’s the thought process you need to tap into when forming your “intention” to find a harmonious relationship?
We cannot stress enough that you won’t be able to form that “intention” if you are not clear on what you want. First, you have to do the work of unveiling who you are and establishing your “Love-Worth.” We walk readers through a series of self-awareness exercises. The first four steps start with clarifying, since clarity is power. It’s difficult to have anything in life if you are not clear on what you want. We call the next step intentioning: you decide what you truly want, with conviction, and set it out in the universe. Then, believing: you have a strong feeling of knowing that you own something before it actually show up. Thanking means living with a sense of that heartfelt gratitude that connects you to the invisible force from which all things come. Then, finally, you use the sum of those four steps to put your plan in motion, attracting the relationship of your dreams.
You say that discovering self-worth actually multiplies your “love-worth.” Can you explain what that means?
You have to love your self in order to be worthy of love. Self-worth equals the sum of your gratitudes, beliefs, values, and priorities, which we help readers to define. It comes down to loving yourself enough to know what you want and determining your own set of boundaries. Once you get to that place, your self-worth will increase the confidence you need to attract your soul mate.
You describe a “no compromises, no settlements” approach to finding a partner, relying on a list of “non-negotiables.” How do you develop this list?
The list will vary for everyone, but it is essential to define and determine what you really want and value in another person. It may sound contradictory, but, for many of us, it often starts with what we don’t want. Write these down and spin them into positives. For instance, you may write down that you don’t want an unfaithful partner. If that’s the case, what you want is a “truthful, faithful, respectful partner.” The “no compromises, no settlements” mindset means you determine your own list of non-negotiables, set your boundaries, and stick to them.
After readers have worked their way through the self-discovery exercises in the book, how will their approach to dating change?
It should change a lot, provided they now have a sense of certainty about who they are, what they want, and how to be true to themselves. ReLovenship is a workbook and methodology. If readers truly engage in the process, we believe it will not only help them in their quest to find ideal life partners, it will also help them improve many other areas of their lives.
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