There is only one story that can supplant the amassed concerns of the U.S. body politic as it mobilizes to determine the fate of the nation for the foreseeable future on matters great and small: Britney Spears filed for divorce today from Kevin Federline, the hip-hopping, mom-popping, K-Fed of story and fable.
The doublewide dream is over.
Federline, 28, Britney’s former backup dancer who has two OTHER children of the young variety with former girlfriend Shar Jackson, transformed sweet little vixen Britney Jean, 24, from $125M megastar poptart into a slovenly, disoriented infant factory, producing Sean Preston (born on September 14, 2005) and Jayden James (born on September 12, 2006) in a “chaotic” marriage that lasted just over two years of drinking, smoking, rutting, deep musing, and child endangerment.
Spears filed legal papers Tuesday in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences,” said court spokeswoman Kathy Roberts, and is asking for legal and physical custody of the two little Spear-fed units.
Unlike, say, Paul McCartney, Britney had the good sense to hit K-Fed up with a vicious pre-nup shielding her assets but good, so she and the little ones will be well taken care of without Federline’s bony fingers in the pie.
With Federline, up from the mean streets of Fresno, releasing his own rap album, Playing [very poorly] With Fire, on Halloween, and mixing it up with WWE Champion John Cena on the tube, what does he need that WOMAN bitching at him all the time for?
He is K-FED, tattooed love god and wiry media man, yo.
His time is also up.
This is strike two for young Britney, who after a star-struck, bloom-of-love relationship with Justin Timberlake, married childhood friend Jason Alexander in a drunken Las Vegas haze for about 50 hours in January of ’04, before being swept off her feet by slick-stepping dancer K-Fed in a brief four-month romance leading to their September ’04 wedding.
Maybe not so quick next time, Brit – people might start talking.