Friday , September 21 2018
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Someone on C.S.I.: Miami dies. We say who. . .

Curse You, Dramatic Irony!

After weeks of advance promos (Someone on the C.S.I.: Miami Unit Is Gonna Die!), we finally got to watch the tragic results last night on the series’ season premiere.
Going into the show, my wife and I had already narrowed the possible victim down to two possibilities. We were fairly certain Dave Caruso’s Horatio Caine wasn’t gonna be the mark, since the series revolves around his character. (Unless, of course, the notoriously difficult actor was being a dick on the set?) Neither of the unit’s two women looked likely either: Emily Procter’s Calleigh Duquesne is the series’ requisite smart hotty, after all, while Khandi Alexander’s sweet-talkin’ medical examiner Alexx doesn’t get out of the lab enough to make an easy target. That left the two other boys in the band: Adam Rodriguez’s skin-diving Eric Delko and Rory Cochrane’s smart-ass screw-up Tim Speedle.
Before the show began, we were edging toward Delko. He’s never really made much of an impression as a character, plus Rodriquez had shown up this summer as Vanessa’s boyfriend on Six Feet Under, so it was possible he already had another gig lined up. And though it shouldn’t have been a factor, his legendary bad performance on Celebrity Poker Showdown (going out on the first hand!?!) also left an impression. Some mess-ups are inexcusable.
A few brief moments into the show, and we already were certain it was gonna be one of the lads: hearing Horatio apologizing for bringing ’em in on their vacation, we could hear the Gears of Dramatic Irony grinding into position. As sure as McBain’s partner is guaranteed to buy it once he shows his partner a photo of his retirement boat, one of these two shmoes was doomed. We held our breaths when Delko took a dive to investigate a sunken car, but we knew for sure whose fate was sealed when Horatio and Speed got into a brief jocular exchange about Speedle’s motorcycle, and the latter responded by stating that “I’ve got plenty of time” to buy a car. Two minutes later, the character was lying on the floor of a jewelry store, bleeding to death, a jammed pistol in his twitching hand.
Speedle, we hardly knew ye. . .

About Bill Sherman

Bill Sherman is a Books editor for Blogcritics. With his lovely wife Rebecca Fox, he has co-authored a light-hearted fat acceptance romance entitled Measure By Measure.

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