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Cruise Moistened, Moisturizers Arrested

A comic posing as a reporter and three crew members of new comedy show for British TV station Channel 4 were taken into custody Sunday after assaulting Tom Cruise with a squirt gun disguised as a microphone at the War of the Worlds premiere in London’s Leicester Square.

Immediate fears that the star was made of brown sugar and would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West were allayed when he grew rigid rather than liquifying.

Watch the shocking incident here! Thank Theta it wasn’t a Super Soaker!

After the attack, Cruise’s assailant tried to escape, but the buff bantam locked his malefactor in a steely grip.

“Why would you do that?”

“What’s so funny about that? It’s ridiculous. Do you like making less of people?”

“Don’t run away. That’s incredibly rude.

“I’m here giving you an interview, answering your questions and you do something nasty. You’re a jerk.”

Cruise towelled himself off, smiled gamely at new fiance Katie Holmes, then resumed signing autographs.

A Channel 4 spokesman said later, “The incident was for a new Channel 4 entertainment show, part of which involves playing comedy pranks on celebrities and on members of the public. The water squirting was not intended to cause offence and was very much in a spirit of fun. We hope Tom Cruise will be able to see the joke in the spirit with which it was intended.”

The Gang of Four will be questioned further by Scotland Yard today.

About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: Twitter@amhaunted, Facebook.com/amhaunted, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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