It is not known to many people, but the characters from many popular Christmas songs get together every year on December 1st to have their own Christmas celebration. Here is what happened at this year’s party.
The doorbell rang and Farmer Gray put down his hard cider and opened the door. A handsome young man stood there holding a large cannister with a red ribbon on it. “I’ve brought some corn for popping,” he said, his breath showing in the air.
“Yeah, yeah, you say the same thing every year,” the old farmer said. “Come on in. Your girlfriend ain’t here yet.”
The young man came in and saw a pretty young woman in a red dress holding a glass of wine. He said, “Hello there.”
Farmer Gray hit his arm. “Hey, she’s not in your song, chum.”
“Can’t hate a guy for trying,” he said.
“Go get yourself a drink,” the farmer grunted.
The young man went to the bar and saw the Traffic Cop and Parson Brown sipping their glasses of beer. The bartender shuffled a deck of cards and looked up at him. “Well, where’s the popping corn?”
“I gave it to Farmer Gray.”
“Figures. What can I get yuh?” the man said squinting as if to study him.
“I’ll take a whiskey on the rocks,” the young man said.
The bartender dropped some ice into a short glass and poured whiskey over it. He turned and looked at the Cop and Parson and asked, “You guys okay?”
“I’ll take another brewski, Cousin Mel,” the Parson said.
“I’ll take another too,” the Cop said, turning to spit in a big bucket he had on the stool next to him.
“Why isn’t there any music?” the young man asked Mel.
Mel shuffled the deck of cards. “Farmer Gray runs the show. He figures none of us wants to hear songs with our names in them. Besides, since I lost Granny, I’m not that into Christmas.”
“Oh, yeah, well that was a tough break.”
“Yeah, and we can’t say anything because she got run over by Big Guy’s reindeer,” moaned cousin Mel.
An old man was laughing in the corner, drinking a beer and watching the football game on the widescreen TV. The young man said, “At least your Grandpa seems happy.”
Loud shouting filled the room as a bunch of kids ran around after each other while their parents stood in the corner drinking eggnog.
One of the boys knocked over a chair while the other pulled one of the girl’s hair. “Barney and Ben, now stop it!” the father yelled.
“Are you okay, Janice and Jen?” asked the mother.
The girls nodded their heads and then turned and hit their brothers, causing the race around the room to continue.
The young man laughed, “Mom and Dad can’t wait for school to start again.”
“Uh, yeah, I kind of know that, genius,” Cousin Mel said.
A pretty blonde in a candy cane dress and matching heels came up to the young man and kissed his cheek. “Let’s not stay too long; it’s just starting to snow outside.”
Mel put down his deck of cards and leaned on the bar. “If I were you, young fella, I’d get going.”
The woman winked at Mel and whispered in the young man’s ear, “We can turn the lights down low.”
The young man sipped his drink. “Well, we do have to at least wait until the Big Guy comes.”
A group of men in long waistcoats waltzed into the room jumping and dancing. Cousin Mel smirked and said, “The Ten Lords came back this year.”
The young woman asked, “But where are the Nine Ladies Dancing?”
“I hear they and the Eight Milking Maids got invited to Jack Frost’s party,” Mel said.
The young man sipped his drink. “Man, that Frost guy’s always causing trouble, nipping at your nose and everything.”
A young girl in a 19th century dress and matching bonnet came up to the bar. Mel looked at her and said, “Well, hello Miss Fanny Bright.”
“Hello, Cousin Mel,” she said while looking around the room. “I was wondering if my young gentleman was here yet.”
“Yeah, he told me that he’s waiting in his one-horse open sleigh out back.”
“Oh, dear, but the weather outside is frightful,” the blonde in the candy cane dress said to her.
Fanny smiled and adjusted her hat. “I’m not worried; it doesn’t snow in our song.”
They watched her walk away and Mel wiped the bar and said, “She won’t be smiling when they crash into that snowbank.”
The young man nodded. “We are all pretty much prisoners of our songs.”
“You can say that again, kid!” Mel said.
A tall fellow in a blue suit walked in with a bottle of gin and went over to the girl in the red dress. He held up the bottle and said, “Put some records on while I pour.”
“Yeah, this party needs some music,” she said. She went over to the stereo and stared at it. She turned and yelled to Farmer Gray, “Don’t you have any records?”
The angry farmer stomped over to her and yelled, “No music.”
The guy in the blue suit handed the girl a glass and she took a sip. “Hey, what’s in this drink?”
Farmer Gray jutted a finger above his head. “What’s wrong with you people? Don’t you realize music is what has ruined all of our lives.”
Parson Brown looked at the Traffic Cop and said, “Excuse me.”
“Of course,” the Cop said, once again spitting in the big bucket.
“Farmer Gray, may I have a word?”
The farmer stared at Parson Brown. “A word?”
The farmer pointed to a clown in the corner who waved his white gloved hand at the parson. “One minute you’re in the song and the next you become him.”
“Oh, dear, you misunderstand.” The Parson turned to everyone in the room. “I know some of you are not happy with your songs, but this wonderful music has given us life. Without these songs we would not exist.”
“Much to our chagrin,” Farmer Gray said shaking a fist.
“No, some of us are happy that we are known to people. Every year our songs bring joy to millions, and because of these holiday tunes we live on eternally and get to have this rather fine party each year. Though I do think some music would be nice, Farmer Gray.”
“You got it, padre.” Mel pushed a button behind the bar and “Holly Jolly Christmas” began playing in the room.
Parson Brown raised his glass. “I think a toast is in order.”
Mel drank some whiskey and said, “I’ll drink to that.”
The Parson said, “Let us give thanks to the songwriters who created us and those singers and bands who gave us life.”
At that moment the door swung open and Santa Claus strode into the room tracking snow from his shiny black boots. “I couldn’t have said it better myself, Parson Brown.”
“Humbug!” cried Farmer Gray. “Of course, you don’t mind because you’re in so many songs.”
Santa laughed. “It’s not about me, Gray. It’s about Christmas.”
“Let’s grab a glass,” Santa said as Mel quickly poured him a drink. Everyone raised a glass and Santa said, “To Christmas!” All except Farmer Gray toasted and cheered.
Farmer Gray shook his head. “Every year it always turns out the same way.”
Santa put his arm around Farmer Gray’s shoulder. “How about I buy you a drink?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Santa went to the bar and stared at Mel and said, “Oh, I am so sorry about your Grandma.”
Mel look over his shoulder at his Grandpa who kept smiling and drinking his beer. “Yeah, well, she is missed.”
“I will have a nice cherry brandy,” Santa said. He turned to Farmer Gray and asked, “For you?”
“Coming right up,” Mel said.
Santa leaned on the bar next to the Traffic Cop and pointed to the big bucket. “What do you have there?”
“Well,” the Traffic Cop said, “I don’t want to be on the Naughty List.”
“Hmm,” Santa said.
“Oh, well, I have to admit that this Frosty the Snowman is a pain, marching all the kids through town.”
“Frosty can fray one’s nerves,” Santa said with a nod.
“So, I had enough and lured him into a hot basement with a trail of peppermint sticks.”
Santa shook his head. “Frosty does love peppermint sticks.”
“I had this bucket handy,” the cop said as he spit in the bucket. “That’s Frosty, or at least what’s left of him.”
“Well, officer,” Santa said clearing his throat, “that’s the kind of thing that could get you on the Naughty List.”
“If it’s any help I do have that old silk hat out in my patrol car,” the Cop said.
“Good fellow,” Santa said, patting his arm.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer came over to Santa with his red nose beeping, and Santa caressed his head. The reindeer leaned into the bucket and started drinking.
Mel chuckled, “Guess Rudolph ain’t the only one that’s history.”
They all laughed as Rudolph kept slurping the water that the magic hat had once turned into Frosty the Snowman.
The party went on late into the night because they would all be very busy reliving their songs over and over until the Christmas season was done and then go back into limbo until next year.
Characters and Songs
Frosty the Snowman and Traffic Cop:
“Frosty the Snowman” by Walter “Jack” Rollins and Steve Nelson
Miss Fanny Bright:
“Jingle Bells” by James Lord Pierpont
Ten Lords Leaping, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Milking Maids:
“The Twelve Days of Christmas” an English Christmas carol.
Cousin Mel, Grandpa, and Grandma:
“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” by Randy Brooks
Barney and Ben, Janice and Jen, and Mom and Dad:
“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Meredith Willson.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer:
“Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” by Johnny Marks
“Sleigh Ride” by Leroy Anderson
Parson Brown and Circus Clown:
“Winter Wonderland” – Music by Felix Bernard and Lyrics by Richard B. Smith
Young Man and Girl in Candy Cane Dress:
“Let It Snow” composed by Jule Styne and lyrics by Sammy Cahn.
Tall Man and Girl in Red Dress:
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” by Frank Wildhorn
“The Christmas Song” by Robert Wells and Mel Tormé
“Holly Jolly Christmas” by Johnny Marks