Wednesday , May 29 2024
This whole thing should remain hidden.

Blu-ray Review: Hiding (2012)

One look at the cover art of this cheapo, low-budget drama — wherein you will notice three teenage characters and the caption “This game of Hide and Seek is about to turn deadly…” — and you might just think someone it trying their damndest to convince you Hiding is somewhat along a similar vein as The Hunger Games. After glancing at the description listed on the reverse side of the cover, however, one might declare themselves mistaken on that former assumption and continue with a great misapprehension of another kind entirely: that Hiding is at least decent afternoon feature fare.

It isn’t, as you have probably already figured out. So, one’s attempt to fathom the very purpose behind Hiding resorts to their initial suspicion: that it is just a boring b-movie that someone decided to release on video in hopes they could cash in on the success of something else. And it would be there that a barker would shout out “And the boy/girl wins a cigar!” To add further mental injuries upon us, the film utilizes a Casio keyboard-esque music score that pays a less-than-noble homage to several classical composers as well as shamelessly ripping off Tomoyasu Hotei’s “Battle Without Honour or Humanity!” But let’s save that juicy bit of putridity for a second or two, shall we?

The story here finds a young NYC girl named Jo (singer Ana Villafañe, in her first lead performance) who is forced to relocate to Montana after seeing a brutal crime that has resulted in her parents being murdered — a heinous act that occurred long before the movie started, and which we are, sadly, not privy to. Finding herself within the confines of a new country school as opposed to an educational facility in the Big Apple, Jo quickly comes under fire from the Mean Girls squad (who are accompanied by the swindling Hotei music and who are shown in slo-mo to boot) as well as gaining the attention of two very different boys: a hick and an artist.

But that’s all extraneous to the plot of Hiding as there isn’t one. While Jo sets about coping with living under a new identity, she is tracked down by a ruthless hitman (Dean Armstrong, Queer as Folk) determined to make sure whatever State’s evidence she has (again, we’re really not told much about all of that) goes to the grave with her. Jeremy Sumpter, Tyler Blackburn, Dan Payne, and several other television/b-movie actors and actresses I know next to nothing about also star in this uninteresting drama. Anchor Bay brings this dud to Blu-ray in a decent transfer with several (equally arid) behind-the-scenes featurettes and a music video.

Frankly, this whole thing should remain hidden.

About Luigi Bastardo

Luigi Bastardo is the alter-ego of a feller who loves an eclectic variety of classic (and sometimes not-so-classic) film and television. He currently lives in Northern California with four cats named Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Margaret. Seriously.

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