Friday , June 14 2024


This is one of those intellectual products that is either sincere or a brilliant parody, or some odd combination of the two, and the fact that we don’t know which of the above it is makes it that much more interesting.

On the one hand we have a very high-minded, rhetorically effulgent manifesto against the cultural hegemony and overarching greed of the major labels, yet this manifesto aligns itself with an unlikely revolutionary in the form of little Avril Lavigne, the faux-skate punk Canadian teen who has sold millions of CDs for one of the very same major labels (Arista), and in whom I cannot hear a single original, let alone revolutionary, impulse. Hence the dilemma:

    From this moment, united and determined, we will go forward together, dedicated to the ultimate and undeniable right to cultural self-determination through the free selection and consumption of artistic expression. Together we will win.

    My fellow Avrilutionaries, our cause is too awesome for any of us to feel worthy of it. Our task would be impossible, if not for the inspiration and guidance of Avril Lavigne and the Avrilution™. And from this day forth, let every fiber of our being be consecrated to this magnificent cause, that nothing shall be lacking from the struggle that can be brought to it by enthusiasm, by devotion, and plain hard work.

    ….Now, my fellow Avrilutionaries, the tide has been running against cultural freedom. We’ve been list ening to drivel. Tired carbon copy popstars have been rammed down our throats, we have been subjected to hollow, empty music, promulgated not by an organic process of audience resonance and promotion– but foisted upon us by corporate behemoths driven by greed. Their lyrics are inane, their intellect vacuous. They seek neither to enlighten nor to commiserate. They have no empathy for our angst. Like a pack of wolves they viciously seek only to exploit what they perceive to be the vulnerability of an impressionable mind.

    We must, and we shall, set the tide running again in the cause of cultural freedom. And our group, with its every action, every word, every breath, and every heartbeat, has but a single resolve, and that is freedom.

    Those who seek to live your lives for you, to relieve you of burdensome choice, those who seek to elevate the inoffensive and degrade the innovative, must be made to see a world which rejects their totally lame vision. No corporate power can be substituted for divine will of the people.

    We demand access and we shall have it! Unfiltered and unfettered access to our own culture and all of the methods and mediums by which it is communicated, is our right! No longer will we participate in the vicious mass media machine’s cycle of co-option and regurgitation.

    Fellow Avrilutionaries, it is the cause of the Avrilution™ to resist concentrations of power, private or public, which seek to monopolize and edit the content on which we thrive. Do not suckle the singular Rosenite teat of the Recording Industry Association of America. These forces see us merely as a herd, to be fed and fattened as they see fit, then slaughtered and commoditized for their solitary benefit. Should you find yourself feeding from this collective trough, keep a wary eye on the funnel through which the grain flows. Destroy those who with conceited self-interested would see fit to force our cultural sustenance through a filter of their own design.

    ….Today, as then, but more urgently and more broadly than then, the task of preserving and enlarging freedom and safeguarding it from the forces of tyranny is great, enough to challenge all our resolve and to require all our strength.

    Anyone who joins us in all sincerity, we welcome. Those, those who do not care for our cause, we don’t expect to enter our ranks, in any case. And let our Avrilution™ be so focused and so dedicated, that it not be made fuzzy and futile by unthinking and stupid labels.

    As we go forward, let us always remember that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice! And let us also remember that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue!

Whoa – this just doesn’t sound like anyone young enough to see Avril as a savior. Why then the choice of her as avatar? The cause itself would appear to be sincere, although I an unclear as to any particular action the writer has in mind – support for Avril herself will only enrich Arista. Perplexing indeed.

About Eric Olsen

Career media professional and serial entrepreneur Eric Olsen flung himself into the paranormal world in 2012, creating the America's Most Haunted brand and co-authoring the award-winning America's Most Haunted book, published by Berkley/Penguin in Sept, 2014. Olsen is co-host of the nationally syndicated broadcast and Internet radio talk show After Hours AM; his entertaining and informative America's Most Haunted website and social media outlets are must-reads: Twitter@amhaunted,, Pinterest America's Most Haunted. Olsen is also guitarist/singer for popular and wildly eclectic Cleveland cover band The Props.

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