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Your Green Twitter Is Helping Iran, So Now What?

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Everyone's doing it. Okay, a lot of people are doing it, but not everyone. Twitter users are tweeting that they're turning their picture green in support of saving the environment.

Wait, for once we're going green and it's NOT about global warming?

Ah, so it's in defiance of the shenanigans occurring during the Iran election. What this will apparently do is cause a chain reaction in Tehran, wherein election officials with green monochrome computer monitors will try logging onto Twitter and see all the citizens of the world with green-shaded avatars. The amount of green on the computer will overload the motherboards, causing nonlethal explosions of democratic proportions. The real winner of the Iran election will then be revealed. (Spoiler: It's Adam Lambert.)

But we have much more work to do. Here are some other ways you can promote the cause:

• Change your computer to Iran's time zone (+4:30 GMT)

• Write only in Persian

• Buy The Best Of Flock Of Seagulls

• Drape a Pakistani flag over your neighbor's mailbox, and an Iraqi flag over your other neighbor's front porch

• Cast as many votes for whoever the guy's name is — no, not the batshit crazy one, the other one

• Become addicted to amphetamines, or "greenies"

• Change your PIN to 4726 (I-R-A-N)

Pray for Omarion

• Start a Facebook group supporting the Iran election

• Join three other Facebook groups supporting the Iran election (or you will never find out who your true love is)

• Change your Facebook local network to Tehran

• Buy The Very Best of Asia: Heat of the Moment

• If you are Lee Greenwood or Toby Keith, write a jingoistic song

• If you are Avril Lavigne, please don't write any more songs (actually, this one has nothing to do with Iran. Please just stop making music)

• Grow a neckbeard

• Learn semaphore, stand on your rooftop and signal "HELP IRAN"

• Buy Persian rugs

• Capture and raise a baby Persian leopard

• Paint your house green

• Paint your baby green

• Eat only the green jellybeans in your stash of secret jellybeans that you hide from your loved ones

• Condemn the 1990s kids game show Nickelodeon G.U.T.S for not having any green contestants

• Mindlessly accept any other suggestions that Iran election advocates think up

• Cease thinking about Iran once the craze dies down

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About Suss

  • irene wagner

    Yeah, slacktivists. Log out of twitter. Tune in to ESPN.

  • irene wagner

    Oh my g-wd. I’m sorry, Matt. I thought this was satire.

  • http://thingsalongtheway.blogspot.com/ Cindy

    (LOL Irene!)

    Damn, do I have to eat green jellybeans, Matt? Does it count if I can get the neighbors kids to eat them? It’s some sorta magical thang ain’t it? Well, in for a green avatar in for a green house I always say!

    Never mind–fuck wasting a week on Iran! We wanna waste our time on sports! Im’unna take up watchin’ pro-wrastlin’!*

    *No offense–really! My nephew (maybe even my niece–you know kids who love dad and all) loves this crap. (barf)

  • http://thelayoffbeard.com Matthew T. Sussman

    I was about to get all huffy at you not liking sports, but then I saw you were instead referring to pro wrestling. Carry on.

  • http://whalertly.blogspot.com Robert M. Barga

    Isn’t pro wrestling a sport?

  • http://whalertly.blogspot.com Robert M. Barga

    shit
    i meant, isn’t pro wrestling acting?

  • http://thingsalongtheway.blogspot.com/ Cindy

    The real question is:

    Who cares?

  • irene wagner

    The sixpax are for real, Robert.
    That’s all u need 2 no.

  • http://confessionsofafanboy.com Josh Hathaway

    Watch other people play sports on ESPN or watch other people protest on CNN. Waste your time however you please; one man’s coffee is another man’s tea.

  • http://elvirablack.blogspot.com Elvira Black

    Don’t forget your leafy green veggies and green fruits, such as limes and honeydew. I also have a green Derek Jeter Yankees shirt I got for a song at Modell’s (must have been Irish appreciation day at Yankee Stadium)awhile back. Precient? Why of course.

    Oh, and Josh: if you do drink tea, for heaven’s sake, make sure it’s green tea.

  • http://elvirablack.blogspot.com Elvira Black

    PS: Go Flock of Haircuts!

  • http://seriouslyrad.wordpress.com lainey

    LMAO!!!