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Xbox 360 Review: Facebreaker

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Facebreaker is the new boxing title from EA Sports. That title is extremely descriptive because after five minutes of playing I wanted to put my face through the wall.

That is not an exaggeration. This game is terrible. I'm not a sports fan by any means but I enjoy a fighting game now and then. Facebreaker is a fighting game in image and theory, but in practice, it's more a "stand there and watch the computer beat the crap out of you" game. The computer mode is so chaotic that it's all you can do to get a punch in or a block or whatever else you can do with the two buttons you use. My carpal tunnel was flaring up big time after two rounds. Two rounds of pressing two buttons about three hundred times and getting nothing but my face caved in for my efforts.

The online or two player mode is just as frustrating.  It's basically a race to see who can launch into the button mashing frenzy the fastest.  There is zero skill required beyond the ability to set your thumbs into hyper drive.  It turns out it doesn't even matter who beats who until the final round because whoever wins that round wins the entire match.

Is there anything good about this game? Well, it looks great. The stylized cartoony graphics are quite well done and entertaining, as are the characters. After each round you get to see the ruined face of your opponent — or more often yourself, looking bruised and jacked. That, and the ability to beat up (or try to) reality leeches and famous for nothing such as Kim Kardashian, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. The game offers customized boxers as well.  You can choose from uploaded heads or even upload your own to design your perfect fighter.  To be honest, this does nothing except allow you to watch a character of your own design get pummeled to oblivion without so much as throwing a punch.

Other than that this game has absolutely nothing to offer. It's not an ounce of fun and just proves to be extremely frustrating. I was playing on Easy mind you, and I can't imagine what anyone can do on any of the harder difficulty levels.

There are so many other games out there worth your money including Bioshock, Rockband 2, Lego Batman, and many more.

I'll give the game one star simply for the character design and graphics.  Those are the only redeeming values this game has to offer.

Don't drop a dime on this stinker.

Facebreaker is rated T (Teen) by the ESRB for Mild Language, Suggestive Themes, and Violence. This game can also be found on: PS3 and Nintendo Wii.

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About Garon Cockrell