Don’t read this if you’re hung up about what your genitals are for, or if you feel awkward when people discuss the rub-a-dub of pelvis bumping.
Listen, I’ve been reading about chimeras. Those are hybrids between animals, also between humans and animals, i.e. a pig with the brain of a human and the legs of a hyena, that sort of thing.
Being the sick puppy that I am, I was wondering how one would breed the perfect fuck beast.
Number one, the PFB would need to have the brain of a dog, so you could train it to do anything you told it to do, and it would love doing it for you, over and over again, like fetching a stick you throw.
From a woman’s point of view, it might have more than one penis, so she could try different sizes, depending on her mood. From a man’s point of view, it would need to have big tits, big lips and a tight vagina. That’s the bare minimum. Not much else required, come to think of it. Mind you, it would be good if it had tits on its back as well–easy to grip while you’re doing it.
Would it need eyes? Not necessarily. Many people keep their eyes closed when they bonk, so as not to get distracted from the intense feelings in their sexual centers. There’s much food for thought here. NPR should be discussing the PFB, maybe on Fresh Air. One day the PFB question will come up, for sure, and be widely raked over. Just look at the Internet: it has more sex sites than all other sites combined. Being the all too-human creatures that we are, the PFB will be one of the first options on the genetic design agenda. I mean, given the choice, what would you rather have: a cure for cancer or the perfect fuck beast?
Perhaps the PFB should be unisex, with various sexual organs on its body. Maybe it could have built-in nipple clamps, too, and a flat head, so you could put a drink on it. It might be good if it had more than two hands, maybe six or seven, so it could stroke you all over.
Is this getting too ridiculously sick for you? I might be disgusting myself now. Perhaps. Why is it possible for sex to be disgusting? I don’t know, but that’s another story. This is NOT about moral waters, where anyone can drown too easily, especially Christian politicians.
The PFB will need some language. “Do me hard. Ooh, yes.” That would be the sort of thing it would say. Its penises would always be hard, and its vagina wet. Maybe it would have a language default setting, and emit a perpetual soft yearning moan with its thick lips and its long, maybe forked, tongue.
Perhaps it would look like a woman from one side, and like a man from the other side. Hey, that’s a great idea. One chimera fits all. Except for this problem: men like women’s butts, and vice versa, and it might be disappointing to find a man’s penis at the back end of the woman you’re bonking, even if she has the mind of a dog.
But maybe a woman would find it refreshing to find a woman on the other side, in case she thought of switch-hitting, or wanted to have someone to share complaints with about the man’s performance. Women are more open to new experiences, I believe. Perhaps women should take the leading role in the coming science of PFB design. What do you think?