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World Series: You Call This Baseball Weather?

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Let’s get right to it. I think Major League Baseball might need to reconsider starting the World Series so late. “Is it cold enough for you?” Is this really something players and fans should be asking each other? Come on!

I could have told the powers that be the weather in St. Louis in late October can be unfriendly to the national pastime. I won’t comment on Detroit, I’ve never been there, but I’m looking for the first fly ball lost in the snow in World Series history to happen this year. That’s if the Series makes it back to Detroit at all. The Cardinals would just as soon suffer at home and get it over with.

I’m sure the players are loving it, especially the poor catchers. Must be fun to handle a guy throwing a hundred miles an hour when your hands are cold. Both Pudge Rodriguez and Yadier Molina have managed to take one low in the series thus far. Sympathetic groans could be heard from males nationwide. I’m sure they appreciated the fact they were freezing already when the ball bounced off.

I guess the commissioner and his staff thought two California teams would make it to the Series? Or maybe they were planning on two New York teams, and didn’t check the Farmer’s Almanac for the forecast covering the rest of the country?

Just look at what the cold has already done to the players! Kenny Rogers was forced to dip his pitching hand in pine tar (dirt, my ass) to keep it warm! Placido Polanco is playing in a Gore-tex turtleneck, he looks more like a cat burglar than a second baseman. Albert Pujols can be heard screaming, “I didn’t sign up for this! I’m a Dominican, damn it!”

In short, play has suffered. Shivering too hard to swing the bat effectively, hitters have been at a disadvantage as the pitchers (who move enough to stay warm) mow them down like young corn in a hard frost.

Who’s handing out the championship trophy this year? It should be a penguin. On behalf of Cardinals fans everywhere I’d like to say if the Tigers steal the Series from us it’s only because we were too cold to stop them!

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