This morning I sat down to breakfast and opened a brand new box of Cheerios and as I was pouring the cereal into my bowl… KERTHUNK! Something heavy fell into it, spilling toasty oaty O's all over the table.
Wow. There in my bowl was this huge gold coin with a picture of some old dude on it named Alfr• Nobel. I wonder what language "•" is a character in. Never mind. It's a bigass gold coin and I didn't have to do anything for it, just pour out some Cheerios.
Skipping breakfast, I wrapped that coin up in an old sock and took it with me into town. I was taking some of my kid's toys to a consignment store and then stopping at Joe's Pawn Shop to pawn my laptop before heading to the unemployment office to apply for my benefits. I figured Joe could tell me if that coin was real gold.
When I showed Joe the coin he said, "Man, that's a big coin and it's real gold. I'll give you $2,000 for it here on the spot, but you might want to hold onto it. It would likely have an even higher value to a collector, and the way the dollar is going down it'll probably be worth twice that in a couple of months." Joe's an honest guy.
I told him "thanks" and decided I should keep it, because come next year when our COBRA coverage runs out, we'll need that money to pay the "excise tax" for not having health insurance for me, the wife, and the kid and that gold coin should just about cover the $2,250 we'll owe the government with just a bit left over.
I headed home pretty happy. It didn't even bother me that the old Chevy was smoking a bit and the air conditioning was out again. I hardly missed my Prius that got repo'd last month.
Thinking about it, I realized that I really deserved that coin and someone up there must be looking out for me. Maybe it was President Obama. He's looking out for all of us little people. That's what my rep at the union used to tell me when I still had a job and could keep up with my dues. The kids in school are praying to him now. Maybe I should too.
So thanks, President Obama. I think I've earned that prize. Cheerios is on the menu for lunch and dinner too. Maybe I'll win another coin.