That was quite the rousing go-around for the 2016 Olympics! Congratulations to Rio de Janeiro. We all look forward to Dara Torres' fourth comeback. And I look forward to finally watching the Olympics live again. But something that's going to happen in seven years? That's old news. Let's look to the FUTURE!
In 2020, we're going to be in a very different world, yet some of our problems shall remain the same. Ten years from now, having a great city will not be enough. And that is why there will be no better host site for the Games of the XXXII Olympiad than our very own Moon.
No matter which venue you choose on Earth, there's always going to be a subset of people who are on the other side of the globe. But on the Moon … well, EVERYBODY can see the Moon. Nobody is left out.
You can't have a host city without, of course, some friends in high places. The Russians will also be 100 percent behind this. That way they can finally reach the moon as well. Backers could also include NASA, who are planning to colonize the moon by 2020. Bidding the Olympic Games will speed up the technology and funding for this project. That alone creates jobs without mentioning the infrastructure needed to set up the Olympic Village, stadiums, and intergalactic clean urine stations.
Okay, let's get past the whole economic thing. Let's talk about the beautiful, beautiful Moon. Crime rate? None. Poverty? None. Traffic? Not at all. Hunger? Hell, there's not even life there. Pollution? Unseen. (Okay, so there are a couple of abandoned cars laying around.)
Then consider the actual events. The competition will also be fiercer than anywhere else on this planet. With Moon Olympics, humans will finally be able to break Javier Sotomayor's 20-year-old high jump record of 7 feet, 11½ inches. Gymnasts will be able to pull off some incredible flips and twists, all to the tune of the music from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Every four years we gather as a world and compete at the highest levels, all the while celebrating our many storied cultures. It's about time we take this show on the road. Moon 2020!