Home / Culture and Society / Why President Obama’s Healthcare Plan is Still a Win-Win Winner, Part 34,059.72

Why President Obama’s Healthcare Plan is Still a Win-Win Winner, Part 34,059.72

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Hi, it’s me again. To be sure, for many of you, nay, make that for most if not every single one of you — your very worst nightmare.

Well, as promised, it is now high time for the solutions:

First, I’d like to address, as you might recall, the two very most daunting problems with President Obama’s Health Care Plan; otherwise formally known by the acronym PPACA (the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act) also pronounced by stuttering the first two consonants (i.e., pah-pah-pah-pack-ah).

As I see it, in addition to PPACA’s issue as to its very fundamental constitutionality itself, it is also fraught with problems in cost and in the myth of so-called, supposed “death panels.” So, at this point in time, I again forgo the former, but will address the latter two issues simultaneously, which I both combine and see as one.

In my previous article, “Why President Obama’s Health Care Plan is Still a Win-Win Winner, Part 2,799.63” I stressed the importance of cost, but also that older people are just downright annoying and irritating, and are a corrupting influence upon our youth; in addition to their being incontinent, forgetful, accident-prone and just downright crotchety and ornery, cranky, crabby, grumpy, grouchy and cantankerous, or nauseatingly and sickeningly saccharine sweet, and smothering and suffocatingly so; not to mention their being hard-of-hearing and dim-sighted as well as dim-witted, gullible and stupid; and let us not forget that they are one of the primary causes of “the heartbreak of psoriasis” and “ring around the collar.”

Nor must we omit the fact that they smell like hell; that they have a sickening musty aroma, the sort of stink that comes from no longer bathing on a regular basis, smothered over with cheap perfume and cologne; and or worst yet, that they simply possess the stench of imminent, warmed over death.

All of which are more than sufficient cause and ample reason why Granny and Grandpa MUST DIE! And again, the most compelling of these myriad reasons still primarily remains cost.

Look here, dear readers, they’re just simply too goddamn expensive to keep around and care for (to paraphrase Robert Reich who said as much in 2007). As simple as that. I really don’t need to go into the rather arcane and boring details, but one must ask oneself this question: are we really willing to spend so much of our national treasure with the requisite and corollary, necessary and exigent taxation upon ourselves to the point that we will have to deny our children $ 250 designer sneakers every three months, ‘game boys’ and X-boxes, $ 1,000 road bikes, ‘ipods’ and ‘blackberries’, designer jeans and other extravagantly, expensive apparel?

As well as deny ourselves that two week vacation in Hawaii, or that power, jet-ski, or that new boat, or that third auto or SUV, or that luxury, cross-country RV, or that second or third or fifth 55 inch, HD, LCD, flat screen, television, or that princely kitchen overhaul, or that extravagant, new dining/ living room furniture set?

I ask you with all the compassion of both my heart and soul, can we really afford to let Granny live? Of course not! Let’s face facts, when Granny starts costing us more than the combined amount of the interest on the national debt, our entire defense budget several times over, and all discretionary congressional spending (pork-barrel spending for those of you with a typical, substandard, worthless public school education; or to express it in clear and direct, simple Orwellian terms, it’s simply, liberal democrat, constituency service; but bribery as in buying votes and cronyism as in fattening and larding up your political pals‘ pockets will also do too) – I really am sorry to say this, but when that time comes, and mark my words, even with the brilliant perfection and laudable and praiseworthy reforms of Obama-care, that day is coming and much sooner than anyone could reasonably and humanly, possibly expect.

And when it finally arrives, again I really am sorry to say this, but it will really be high time for Granny to go – permanently, irrevocably and irreversibly (and for those of you with a public school education, all them fancy words simply means it will be high time for Granny to enter into a liberal-government, sponsored and administered “cockroach hotel/motel” – you know, the one where you check in but you don’t check out).

Look here, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the Obama healthcare plan which also is not all that insensitive and cold, calculating and callous as it might seem to be at first appearance. As I have stated or rather intimated previously, president Obama loves Granny, yours and mine and his own (even though none of his parents or grandparents are still alive, but if they were still with us I am sure he would love them dearly and would let them live, for surely as a true liberal, he would not kill them, no, because he would only abort and kill unborn, innocent children, because that’s how we liberals reason.

If you’re in your mother’s womb and are indeed, at the most vulnerable and precarious stage of all life itself, why it’s “bombs away” and take no prisoners nor give any quarter, but completely annihilate the unborn child and deprive it of its very life and breath, and then dump it in the trash unceremoniously and incinerate it, but wait a minute, isn’t that what we’re gonna do with old people? With Granny? Nahhhhhhh.

President Obama would never do that because he’s a liberal, and everyone knows all liberals are very compassionate and empathetic and thoroughly and devoutly believe in the sanctity of life in all its stages, from its very first to its very last. And everyone knows that we liberals are thoroughly opposed to a culture of death with its assisted suicide, and social-Darwinist, eugenics-driven euthanasia of older people and so-called, supposed, mental defectives. Because then President Obama would be compelled to put Vice-President Biden, Senator Harry Reid and former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi; to put all of them out of their collective misery. But not gonna happen, so let’s just move on).

However let’s consider the cost issue in a different light. The heated rhetoric from the other side, speaks in terms of not only rationing healthcare for our senior citizens, but they also, and here’s where the rhetoric really heats up; speak of “death” panels with the implication of Darwinian-socialist, and ultimately, fascist eugenics á là Nazi Germany prior to the massive death camps of the Holocaust. It must be noted racial and anti-semitic genocide did not happen overnight in Germany, but was proceeded by a limited eugenics-based, small-scale genocide. I maintain it is intellectually, philosophically and polemically reasonable to argue the similarities between this stage of eugenics in the early Third Reich, but it is thoroughly wrong and inaccurate to argue for similarities with Obama-care and the final Holocaust itself.

The two are truly distinct and dissimilar, but not so the underlying theories of eugenics and Social-Darwinism of the Obama, liberal congressional healthcare plan. I will attempt to further examine those issues later in this essay (too much dour heaviosity for the time being) but I will at this point examine a seemingly unstated but I maintain, viscerally implied dynamic of the president’s healthcare plan.

The implication is that no one is immortal and that death is a natural part of the natural rhythm and cycle of life, to wit, we’re all going to die (and for us liberals, our desired and apparent self-appointed role in life is to make sure that while we are still alive, that we pay an awful lot, nay, make that an insane, excessive and confiscatory amount of taxes – and come to think of it, we also want to make sure we pay taxes when we die too, it’s called “death taxes” or the “death penalty”). Well, why not help the process along a little bit, in fact, all we liberals are truly saying á là the Beatles, “is give death a chance.”

[I mean we gave peace a chance in Southeast Asia, and the glorious, communist peace which we supported and promoted, both unwittingly and willfully, as well as unfortunately, cruelly and viciously-so, only killed three million people – why that’s only half of the Nazi holocaust. So at worst, when people speak of death panels and try to equate it with the Nazi holocaust, they’re absolutely wrong because the most it will be is only half as bad. And we liberals can certainly live with that sort of number.

Look at abortion, when Roe v. Wade was decided in 1973, one of the liberal justices said essentially ‘not to worry‘ as to the rights of the unborn child/fetus, that the courts and especially the really “big bopper,” the “nine Supremes” would scrupulously protect the rights of the former, the truly innocent, guileless and thoroughly guiltless, unborn children/fetuses. Well, it’s been 36 years since then and only forty to fifty million, unborn children have been killed.

“Killed?” Perhaps that’s too harsh and incendiary a word, let’s say “have been deprived of life,” of their very breath, limbs, hearts and souls. But who’s quibbling and carping with such inconsequential and unimportant concerns as these. Besides which, we liberals are truly humane and compassionate people who would never allow the same sort of carnage, slaughter, butchery and genocide to occur against the elderly as has already occurred against the unborn. Now would we? Of course not! And a hearty naaaaaaaaaaah to boot.)

Furthermore, we liberals might still persist in complaining quite bitterly and angrily and vociferously-so at many of those of my side’s calling these end-of-life, group-therapy, hold hands and sing kumbayá; insensitive, callous, mandatory and compulsory, liberal, bureaucratic entities – “death panels.” But let’s get real here, what else are you going to call them?

Advanced reconciliation and stabilization, quality of life and viability, dynamic cost-calculus, co-efficient, bio-ethic panels in which Doctors, not just a host of mindless, faceless, liberal bureaucrats; will not only determine whether Granny has a pulse, is breathing and is somewhat vertical, and thereby determine whether she should still continue to breathe, have a pulse no matter how robust or tepid it might be, and whether she still should continue to hobble around in a somewhat vertical fashion – or not; but these panels will also determine whether Granny’s life has meaningful worth, quality and viability no matter what her physical and or psychological condition is.

They will in fact determine whether the former precludes sustenance, maintenance and medical care based on weighing quality and viability of life issues with healthcare costs. These panels will just simply counsel Granny and or Grandpa, on how and when they ought, should and must die; and they will do so with complete compassion, empathy and alacrity, and “I feel your pain” good cheer, and of course with utter sympathy and absolute sincerity. They will also counsel them on such alternatives as mandatory, assisted suicide and euthanasia.

In fact, there is another option which no one as of yet, as I am aware, has addressed in regard to this issue, on either side of the divide. I call it the “Socratic” or “Platonic Paradigm.” Simply and crudely stated, if Granny or Grandpa is still that goddamn stubborn, crotchety and ornery, recalcitrant and refractory; and just simply will not die, indeed, if the old fart refuses to ‘croak’ then plan B or the Socratic/Platonic Paradigm must be implemented.

It’s a rather simple and basic alternative, if Granny or Grandpa won’t undergo mandatory, assisted suicide or euthanasia willingly of his or her own accord and completely, unforced, uncoerced volition, then let them simply take the hemlock themselves. This is simply a matter of choice, of the simple but most basic freedom and right to choose, something which we liberals have ardently supported for decades. Again the choice is very simple and basic; Granny and Grandpa will have the choice of having compassionate, humane and empathetic technicians and nurses under a doctor’s strict supervision administer extremely jolly, happy, cheap thrill, permanent sleep, chill out, la-la-land, “happy trails again” happy, chill-pills; or Granny and Grandpa can take the former with cool-aid laced with strychnine and cyanide themselves, totally and completely of their own free-will and free choice. And I re-emphasize the words “free choice” here most forcefully and dogmatically!

But if these counseling sessions fail to achieve the sought after goal, whether it be mandatory, assisted suicide, or voluntary suicide or euthanasia or the Socratic Paradigm (also known as the “Socratic/Platonic Hemlock or Cool-aid Solution”) there is yet another solution. If none of these methods and solutions persuade and convince Granny or Grandpa to bite the dust and give up the ghost voluntarily, then there is the ACORN/SEIU/AFL-CIO/ community organization assisted, end-of-life with dignity program; in which civic-minded community organizers and union volunteers will aid Granny and Grandpa in downing the requisite amount of cheap thrill, permanent sleep, “happy trails again” happy, la-la-land pills followed by cool-aid laced with strychnine and cyanide poured and pumped down their throats with funnels, and with very, very large-sized funnels at that.

And as an utter, absolute, last resort, if the happy, jolly, chill out, permanent sleep, pills don’t work, nor the cool-aid, then and only then, the community organizers of ACORN, and the selfless, altruistic, union volunteers of SEIU will be called upon to wield 15 and 20 pound, heavy steel gauge sledge-hammers upside the heads of Granny and Grandpa. That should do the trick. A little messy but absolutely final, finished, caput, fini, end of the line – forever turn out the lights, the party’s over, etc..

In addition, as President Obama would clearly and rationally articulate, by employing SEIU and ACORN volunteers wielding heavy sledge hammers upside the heads of Granny and Grandpa, this procedure would also be extremely cost effective because it would first, cut out the middleman, and secondly, a volunteer wielding a heavy sledge hammer upside the head of Granny and or Grandpa is absolutely free, whereas check-in but don’t check-out, Gulag, cockroach hotels and motels, with their millions upon millions of “happy trails,” permanent, irrevocable, chill-out, la-la-land, absolute end-of-the-line chill-pills; which will be the ultimate last and final thing ol’ Granny and ol’ Grandpa will ever taste, swallow, see and hear, after they have taken these gentle, kind and sympathetic chill-pills, and washed them down with millions of gallons of Kool-Aid laced with cyanide and strychnine – well, all of the former costs a lot of money, but again, ACORN and SEIU volunteers with heavy, steel sledge hammers doesn’t cost a penny. So if you’re a liberal and you love your Granny and Grandpa, say a little prayer for the latter and give grateful praise and thanks to the former. Here, let me say it for us liberals — because we all know that we liberals are unbeliever, anti-religion, anti-Christian, godless secularists, agnostics and atheists, thank God. And so, let me say it for you – “thank God for ACORN and SEIU!” There now, that didn’t hurt, now did it?

Well, once more again, space limitations and restrictions preclude me from continuing. But be advised that I shall return with the even better, nay best, complete, total and absolute, final solution. So once more again, do not be forlorn, nor crestfallen, nor saddened, nor downcast, despondent, disconsolate, disheartened, dejected nor woebegone – cause I’ve not yet begun to exhaust my thesaurus.

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About Irvin F. Cohen

  • Dear Deathrider6,

    Thanks again for the comment.

    Sorry, a little bit too much in the weeds for me.

    But yeah, sounds good to me…I think. Surely however, you’re on the right path.

  • Deathrider6

    Sen. Edwards…That name does ring a rather loud bell. Now to continue my train of thought. Would possible deductions for health care insurance costs also work to make healthcare insurace more attractive to smaller business? I know the requirements vary from state to state but if you made insurance premiums tax deductable for both business and private indviduals I suspect more companies could and would find it more attactive to offer coverage. Just another couple of thoughts here to stir the pot.

    I do agree that the bureaucracy should be kept out of it as much as possible as it adds more cost to any program. The fewer layers the less unneeded expenses are involved.

  • Dear Deathrider6,

    Thanks for your kind comment.

    I see it in very simplistic terms – simply get liberal-progressive bureaucracy and big-government out of it, and return to true free marketplace based reforms and business practices. And for the poor, give them vouchers – but with copays so even they would have some skin in the game.

    BTW, tort reform would be, nay, make that must be a major component of healthcare reform. Yes, we need scumbag, shyster, lower-than-the-belly-of-a-worm, bloodsucking, vermin lawyers to a certain extent and degree, but not these aforementioned vile, scumbag, bloodsucking shysters.

    Speaking of whom, does Sen. Edwards ring a bell?

  • Deathrider6

    Thanks for he article…It made my day. I’m all for health care for everyone but “Obamacare” just rubs me wrong. I can’t give a better solution per se but torte reform might be a better idea. As I said before not sure how to go about it but anything beats being fined or forced into poverty just beacuse you HAVE to carry insurance.