Home / Why Nudity For All Might Not Be A Good Idea.

Why Nudity For All Might Not Be A Good Idea.

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I still have a hard time trying to decide which culture in the world is the most odd. Just when I think one wins, someone else comes along to make me wonder again. Take this bloke for instance. He deiced to hike the whole of the UK naked save for some socks and boots. “Why did he do it?’ you may ask. “Is it for world peace, hunger, what?” Well, I’ll tell you why he did it. He did it to bring attention to the fact that the human body is not a big deal. Public nudity should not be frowned on.

“Now, dear Tek, what is your view on this?” Quite simply, that he has a point and in general, I don’t care – until I think about my college human sexuality class. See, my college sex class was a blow-off class. You only had to attend the mid-terms and finals and basically you could guarantee yourself a low “C” at the very least. No one went except for the exams and for the class where we got to see part of a porno and talk to real live gay people. Now mind you, when the day the porno/ talk to real live gay people was supposed to be, the class was full up. So you could say that there were four times you knew everyone would show up to class: first day, mid-term, final, and porno/gays class. Other than that, who cares?

But you see, I read my schedule wrong and I ended up thinking the porno/gay lecture was a day before it actually was. Little did I know that the day I was going to go would affect me for the rest of my life.

See the day that I ended up going to was the “Venereal Disease” day. This was a day spent discussing VD and what had to be the worst part of it:

A slide show.

Now imagine seeing a really bad case of genital warts projected on the wall of a huge lecture room.

Now imagine nine slides of general warts (warning, gross link there). Cauliflower hell. Puke-a-rama.

Let’s just say I was put off sex for several months, and if you mention genital warts, I get a queasy feeling and start to think that sex is awful.

Which brings me back to Mr. Naked Stephen Gough and his plight to make public nudity okay. I wanna agree with him until I think about that case of genital warts that looked like someone had shoved a cauliflower up someone’s vagina. I think about that, and I think about being subjected to that while ordering a nice cauliflower bake at a restaurant and I just get sick. See, Mr. Gough, some of us don’t look very nice naked. It’s not so much that I think it’s naughty as that I like to avoid vomiting whenever possible. So no matter how noble your cause may be. No matter how innocent your crusade, all I can think of is nasty genital warts and I am afraid that I cannot agree with you.

Congratulations on the successful completion of your endeavor. It certain puts a new perspective whenever someone tells me how ‘Ard English blokes are.

God Save Britannia!

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  • duane

    Hanging out, so to speak. Ha. I get it. I have spent some time on the beaches of Corsica, where nudity is optional. I opted not to do as the Romans do, so as to not have to smear sunscreen on my typically less exposed body parts. The nudity was so relaxed. It was neither offensive nor titillating (pardon the expression).


    Some German beaches do allow full nudity.

    Quick story from when I was 15 years old.

    I went on a German exchange program. I had to live in Germany with a host family for 6 weeks. I went with other classmates and we would have side field trips from time to time. One trip was up to the North Sea where we could “Wadwander” (http://www.germany-tourism.de/e/6384.html). This is basically walking on the mud flats out to the islands when the tide goes out. Amusing for the first 15 mins, a pain in the ass after 20.

    Anyway, all of us girls were between 15 and 17. We’re walking along on with the “Wadfurer” when we start to notice women take their tops off. Okay, some of these women looked like they were cow… I mean massive, saggy, boobies with a nice dose of armpit hair and pubes sticking out of the side of swiming suits.

    But it got worse, I tell you.

    We ended up walking through a nudist beach that was full of octogenarians. We had a particuarally friendly couple of old guys who decided to strike up a converstation with us innocent Yankee Catholic School Girls and ask us how we like Germany, how long did we study German for, etc… They seemed harmless but we had no idea how to talk to these guys. They were old, naked, and ewwwww. The ones in speedos were not much better.

    I can still remember Frau Polly (our teacher)’s face when she saw we ended up in a nudist beach.

    Then again, Frau Polly got ripped at a wine festival and told this French lady in the hostel we were staying in “Pardon, Bitch.” I still haven’t decided if she was trying to look cool to us girls or was she really fully tanked.

    Ah… memories!

  • Eric Olsen

    And, I forgot to mention, why I would strongly recommend not hanging out on European beaches to those who are particularly enamored of breasts: after that you will be less so.

  • Eric Olsen

    That’s why nudist colonies are among the least sexual places on earth.

  • hahah…

    Someone pointed out to me on another blog that is exactly WHY we should allow public nudity.

    kid: Mom, why does that guy look like he has something that you serve on the side of a corn beef dinner?

    Mom: Because he had sex when he was not married. You don’t want that happening to YOU do you?

    kid; No, MOMMY, NO! I’ll NEVER have sex.

    It would do a lot to get people to not be stupid. Also, it would put Atkins and every other diet plan out of business with everyone puking all the time from being grossed out…

  • Eric Olsen

    Vic, I fear your reaction to the slide show is about exactly the indended result – the analog of “Blood on the Highway” for driving.