Home / Why Does Jesus Email Me so Much?

Why Does Jesus Email Me so Much?

Please Share...Print this pageTweet about this on TwitterShare on Facebook0Share on Google+0Pin on Pinterest0Share on Tumblr0Share on StumbleUpon0Share on Reddit0Email this to someone

pope.jpeMoses had his burning bush. George W. had his enlightenment after years of alcoholism. The Lord does work in mysterious ways…. and I now believe he is calling to me via email:

FW: Proceed With Your Ordination
Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church! Perform Weddings, Funerals, and Perform Baptisms Forgiveness of Sins and Visit Correctional Facilities

Want to open a church? Check out Ministry in a Box

Press here to find out how.

Well thank you, God. You know I shun the phone and don’t get out much. Email was certainly the easiest way to find me (And I rent so lighting up a bush would have effected my security deposit.). I accept, I guess. I have to check with the wife first on sending you the cash. I think she has an eye on some lime green sandals. Maybe I could get sandals too as I preach your good word.

So now with my new religious leadership I must find a flock (Unfortunately even though your web page states “MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!” I won’t be able to do that as I have no siblings and my best friends don’t like me in THAT way.).

I guess to get a flock I should buy the Ministry in a Box kit. I couldn’t find in the small print anywhere if this comes with an actual building for my services. Did Robert Schuller get his Crystal Cathedral this way?

I bet I need to raise funds too… how do I get one of those television shows?. I would prefer to have one with babes hotter than Tammy Faye… something along the lines of the “Juggies” of Man Show fame.

Can I serve more than wine? Is there an “Official Mixed Drink of Christ?” (Please don’t let it be the Bloody Mary! Please!)

I probably should start recruiting now, right?

Okay. So here goes. If you want to belong to my Church (denomination and beliefs as yet to be determined… maybe we could have a keggar to figure it out) please use my contact form and let me know that you are in. I bet this is how the Reverend Governor Howard Dean M.D. got started.

*Bri rambles about stuff like this often at www.brianlewandowski.com

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Powered by

About Brian Lewandowski