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Where’s the kung-fu?

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Dear Mr. Chan:

I have been a long time fan of your work. I’m the proud owner of many of your films. I normally see all your movies in the theaters, sometimes more than once. I enjoy your movies for the most part… However, The Tuxedo, in my opinion, was far from your best American produced film. In fact, I’d have to say it was the worst.

Now, I’m not your typical North American fan who thinks that “Legend Of The Drunken Master” was a new movie (in fact, I know it’s the second of a series, and watched it in original language about 5 years back, relying on a pathetic English script downloaded from the Internet, and the white subtitles on light colored background to understand any of the dialogue). I’ve seen a lot of your older films where you couldn’t be much more than 20. I don’t think that they’re boring, crappy, cheesy, or pitiful, like many people in North America do. I appreciate the old Hong Kong films. Although they lacked the funding of an American production, they still have their charm and integrity. Their stories, while a little far fetched at times, were understandable, and flowed better than many of today’s blockbuster films. However, your American produced movies have taken a bit of a dive.

While Rumble In The Bronx, as far as I know, your first major movie made and released in North America, was better funded, better written and better produced than many of your Hong Kong films, it still had the charm of what has become a “Jackie Chan” film. Supercop, First Strike and Operation Condor were also quite good. Things got weird though with Rush Hour … I did enjoy it, don’t get me wrong, but it was hard seeing a movie with Chris Tucker, playing opposite to you. Sure, he’s probably a nice guy and everything, but you gotta admit, he’s loud. A bit of a spotlight stealer. Rush Hour 2 was even weirder … Come on. This story is supposed to pick up where the first one left off, and we, the audience, is supposed to believe that Chris Tucker’s character has learned all this fighting ability on the plane ride there?

Shanghai Noon was amazing. I don’t even have a bad word to say about a single piece of it. Even Owen Wilson did a good job, and generally, I like him as an actor. Wouldn’t have pictured him playing a role in this kind of action flick, but hey, I genuinely enjoyed the surprise of that. And Drunken Master? Whose idea was it to chop out the end? It made more sense the original way…

But The Tuxedo? This, I’m sorry, has to be the worst one yet. You did great in the role, I will give you that. But, the story was so sloppy and pushed along. I’m not going to go into my dislike of Jennifer Love Hewitt, which is a completely other story altogether. But really, this was not the best movie you have made. This was not a “Jackie Chan” film.

I realize that by being who you are, you are typecasted into these kind of roles. You do more work than most actors do in their careers. This movie was advertised as being another “Jackie Chan” film. Another kung-fu film. One where us fans would be wowed yet again by your amazing stunts and acrobatics. I think that people expected this to be a great movie.

Sorry… It wasn’t. While I will be compelled to add this movie to my collection, it will be only in a few years, in a bargin bin, on a 2 for 1 day. Jackie, you can do better, kung-fu or not. This was not a kung-fu movie. This was not a “Jackie Chan” movie. This, truthfully, stunk.

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About Veshka Valkyrie

  • Marco

    This is a terrible post. It seems like it is nothing but an excuse to post your Amazon affiliate links. You should not post again until you learn to check your spelling and come up with something interesting to say.

  • Eric Olsen

    I like this post: it’s real, written from a fan’s perspective, and doesn’t pull punches. The spelling is fixed. We always link to Amazon, that’s how we’re (slightly) funded. Buy something why don’t you.

  • Repeat after me: “Jackie Chan is pushing fifty.” Again: “Jackie Chan is pushing fifty.” He’s going to be getting slower and slower, and less able to do the kind of Bruce-Lee-meest-Buster-Keaton coolass shtick fow which he’s been reknowned for thirty years. I haven’t seen the new film yet, but if Shanghai Noon was any indication, he’s trying to transition himself away from the films he used to do because — wait for it — “Jackie Chan is pushing fifty.

    Don’t get me wrong. It isn’t a bad thing that you don’t like this or want to say so. That’s fine. It is, however, pretty useless.

  • Umm — for those spelling mistakes up there in the previous post? Just assume I was talking to you with my mouth full of peanuts. [Ronch ronch ronch!] Mmmm, peanuts.

  • Marco

    Yes, this post is “real” but so what? I could write an equally “real” post about what I had for breakfast today, but nobody cares. Criticism is supposed to have something interesting or insightful to say to make it worth reading. Good, bad, best, worst, bleh. Who cares?