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When The Orange Bowl Causes Scurvy

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A partial transcript of this week’s Treehouse Fort, featuring Jay Skipworth and Andy Hutchins:

Suss: After going through the season undefeated, Cincinnati, TCU, and Boise State will be playing in BCS bowl games, but not for the national championship. The title game has been reserved for a much anticipated No 1. vs No 2. matchup, Rachel Uchitel and Elin Woods.

Tuffy: Actually, the so-called national championship contest will pit Alabama against Texas in Pasadena while Texas Christian and Boise State will gather in Glendale, AZ, at the Fiesta Bowl or, as it’s otherwise known, “The Kiddie Table”.

Suss: A day after winning the World Series, the SUV of Yankees catcher Jose Molina caught on fire and was totaled. In other news, the Phillies are denying rumors that they re-signed their former closer Ugueth Urbina.

Tuffy: The NBA lost its most senior citizen, Portland’s Greg Oden, when his left kneecap cracked during Saturday’s game against the Houston Rockets. Oden will undergo surgery next week to repair the damage under the supervision of the best orthopedic surgeons and paleontologists in America.

Suss: A bit of sad news, Tim McKernan, known affectionately to Denver Broncos fans as Barrel Man, an appropriately-named fan who showed up to games for two decades wearing suspenders and a Broncos-colored barrel, passed away this weekend at age 69. Barrel Man is survived by Mega Man, Rush, and his arch nemesis, Dr. Wily.

Tuffy: And finally, the New Jersey Nets finally won their first game of the season Friday night against the Charlotte Bobcats. True to form, Bobcats coach Larry Brown immediately requested permission to become the new head coach of the New Jersey Nets.

Charlie Doherty‘s “What Were They Thinking?

Steelers WR Hines Ward, for calling out Ben Roethlisberger after not playing last Sunday

Atlanta Thrashers D Keith Ballard, for hitting his teammate/goalie in the head after a goal

Minnesota RB Adrian Peterson, for driving 109 mph, twice the speed limit

Notable golfing person Tiger Woods, for… you know

Lakers F Ron Artest, who admitted in an interview he used to drink Hennessy during halftime

Indians CF Grady Sizemore, for taking racy photos of himself, which were stolen from his email

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