Okay, this situation crops up. Ladies, I know you feel me. There’s this guy that I casually know. He’s a musician, I’m a writer, we talked about artistic creative things, you know. I considered him something like a colleague.
But you all know the whole “Harry Met Sally” thing. And he had to open his mouth. Well, not his mouth. He had to hit the keyboard. Email is such a non-threatening medium.
It’s not like this doesn’t happen on a regular basis. A girl smiles, is friendly–the guy gets overly hopeful.
The first few times, when I was very young, I felt so flattered and sympathetic that I gave long replies of “Oh that’s so very nice, you’re a very nice guy, I just don’t want to get involved, but you are still a great friend..” blah blah.
This backfired. I soon began to have gooey geeky boys lounging about the places I had reason to go.
I, along with most other American women, learned to mention my boyfriend early and often. It’s a magic amulet that keeps creepy evil spirits away.
How else do you nip this nonsense in the bud?
And to most women, it really does feel like nonsense. We don’t have the toxic levels of testosterone that men suffer, making the international symbol of “MALE” an up-pointy arrow.
Can’t we just relate to each other as people?
I have become jaded and hardened with age.
Read the evidence and cast your vote:
“There’s something else that I need to tell you.
If I had a job and you didn’t have a boyfriend,
I would have asked you out when I first met
you. It seems like we had an instant repore
and I feel a connection with you on so many
different levels. I know this is a cheesy way
to tell you this, but in addition to my self
esteem issues, I also have intimacy issues
so I was too chicken to tell you in person.
I hope I’m doing the right thing by telling
you this – sometimes silence can do more
damage than words.
A) Be “Kind”. Poor fellow has self-esteem issues. Call him and have a long phone conversation about how great a musician/person/guy he is and mourn together the fact that I am indeed in a relationship. Continue these long phone calls for months.
B) Don’t speak when I see him again. Completely avoid eye contact but speak behind my hand to my friends when he passes by.
C) Don’t answer at all. Pretend it never happened.
D) Reply, saying “As a writer and an English major, I have to do this” and mark all the grammatical, spelling and syntax errors in red
E) Cast myelf into a burning lake of fire for being the heartless bitch that I am.